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Impolitic: how Yes Scotland could learn from Brazil's football humping

Those intricately pulling the levers of power, the strategists behind Yes Scotland's campaign, could learn from Brazil's 7-1 humping by Germany in the World Cup.

Leading up to the referendum it's important to stay focused and not become distracted by the emotional narrative of independence. The Yes campaign has to continue doing the simple things, stay resolute and try not to think about or become consumed by the weight of expectation.

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Brazil's estimated population of 201 million unified, all became obsessed, gripped, their hopes and dreams consumed in winning the World Cup on home soil.

For Scotland's big moment, on September 18, experts reckon the country will be divided, close to a 50/50 split over Yes or No and will go to the political or constitutional equivalent of extra time, then penalties, then a replay in 23 years' time.

Apart from tactical errors and schoolboy defending, it looked like the Brazilian team's collective mind was elsewhere. They were kicked out of their own party because they took their eye off the prize; they were fixated with the injury to iconic wonder kid Neymar. They were too busy making plans about the future, how they would deal with Argentina in the final to realise they were in the game.

Microblogging sites were awash with images of Jesus Christ the Redeemer in various guises, crying, weeping, holding its head in its hands. Clearly it had just seen the Commonwealth Tartan.

For September 19th, just imagine and visualise The Kelpies looking down on us…weeping, the headlines reading:You've backed the wrong horse.

Yes Scotland need to focus on Better Together's weaknesses, like the Germans did with the Brazilian defence. Knowing they were missing their brilliant skipper Thiago Silva's organisation and vision, they stretched and confused David Luis, Dante and Marcello.

The Germans worked brilliantly as a unit, were well drilled, organised, beautifully efficient. They kept their minds focused on the game plan and reaped their reward.

Sport and politics at this level is between the ears, all in the head big man.

You've got to marvel at the nuanced rhetoric and dulcet tones of Shadow Scottish Secretary Maggie Curran. When you start to read you can be stunned and bedazzled, feel starved, then nourished by her use of the words and that.

You could be forgiven, as Better Together publish a new paper on pensions, for thinking that one of the great female writers had intervened. Could that be Jane Austen? Emily Bronte? Gertrude Stein? Virginia Wolfe? Claire Tomlin? Mary Wollstonecraft?

It's easy to get lost in the beautiful narrative, the effortless rhythm and beat. Wait for it, here it comes…Independence would be (coughs in anticipation) 'a leap in the dark'. Well thanks for that. Honestly, I thought I could sense the poetic ghost of Maya Angelou in the room. Of course you have to imagine it delivered in the style that says: I'm pure mental by the way.

Part political opinion, part warning and threat. Honestly, listening to the woman speak is like listening to a mad woman arguing with herself over the last sausage supper in the chippie for their man's tea. 'That's mine!'…'Naw it's no!' 'That's ma man's!!!'

The much talked about Commonwealth Tartan with its distinct huuuueeeeeeee reminded me of an Irn Bru/Blue Wicked spew. I'm sure given time we'll get used to it. Not mixing our drinks, but the Commonwealth Tartan.

Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling will take the first official televised square go also known as the first live televised debate of the referendum campaign on August 5th, two days after the Commonwealth Games close. Maybe they should both wear the Commonwealth Tartan and turn it into a Strictly Come Highland Dancing special. Then I'll watch.

Scotland launched its first satellite this week. Fair play to the company Clyde Space and the UK Space agency for commissioning it, but it still looks like a strange contraption. I'm sure there's some great Scottish engineering and brains behind it but satellites have a nasty habit of being slightly prone to well, not working too well. Going awry. Which might explain the reluctance of any political party to jump aboard the white heat of technology at what looks like something that has been lovingly built in someone's garden shed. It's not sexy enough to politicise.

When I read about the Scottish satellite the first thing I thought of was an old idea for a sitcom about a Scottish Nasa, the Scottish Space Agency. In it there was a hard-hitting and ingenious splinter group called the Larkhall Space Agency. They had made a rocket out of bits of old washing machines, some cans and jubilee clips and there was a good running gag about the engineering workshop being called Nasa Render. Unlike the satellite, it wasn't commissioned.

David Hayman claimed on a referendum BBC show that his one-man play about Scottish independence has been banned by several councils in Scotland. The actor claimed he was being denied his right of employment saying, in his gruff style: 'Just because I exercise my right to speech, I'm denied my right of employment.'

I empathise with him. I had the same problem with my book Sandy Trout, The Memoir. No companies, despite loving it, would publish it. Yes, I know, I can hear you say he's just being cute and none too subtle and getting a plug in. Well yes, well spotted. Available on Kindle now.

The more important issue however, was that some companies actually admitted they were afraid to publish it, as they were scared it would upset anyone.

The OBR estimates North Sea oil and gas could produce £20 billion less over the next thirty years. The devil is in the detail, words like 'estimate', 'could'. Dinnae worry, these independent watchdogs operate on a mantra of "under promise over deliver and can't predict the future".

The first thing I'd do is close them down, then tell them they didn't see that coming. These prophets of doom cost more than they're worth and are never called to account years later.

'Excuse me, ministry of stating the bleeding obvious, remember 30 years ago in 2014 when you said this would be down, well you called it wrong?'

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