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Impolitic: International Project Fear goes all Darth Vader

Harry S Truman once said that 'Richard Nixon is a no good, lying b*st*rd. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.'

Truman, like Lord Robertson, knew how the system worked, understood the mechanisms of government, the kind of rhetoric that made Washington tick and the kind language the mass media would notice.

You get the impression that Project Fear is upping the ante. It's gone international. And the big bad bogey man, starring Lord Robertson as Darth Vader, is coming to get you if you don't vote 'no'.

There's always been something about George Islay MacNeill Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen, KT, GCMG, FRSA, FRSE, PC, former 10th Secretary General of Nato, that gives me the fear. I only use his full name, rank and former office as he strikes me as a 'do you know who I am son' type.

This week, via his hyperbole and scaremongering, he claimed an independent Scotland would unleash the forces of darkness across the world. Surely he's getting mixed up with Lulu or John Barrowman?

Truman's retort couldn't be laid at Robertson. Unlike Nixon, Robertson isn't lying, simply offering his opinion.

The Brookings Institute is one of Washington's oldest think tanks. It was recently voted the most influential think tank in the world. Somewhere Lord Robertson might have been wondering, as he spoke at that great bastion of all contradictions in terms, an American think tank, if those present were thinking of the buffet or listening to his dramatic narrative.

'The loudest cheers for the break-up of Britain would be from our adversaries and from our enemies. For the second military power in the West to shatter this year would be cataclysmic in geopolitical terms…'

Just off on a tangent here but is this the same West as in The USA? So prolific at being the peacemakers, spying on their allies?

Forget geopolitics, let's go local. How many of their kids get shot dead in classrooms? Does the Brookings Institute have anything to say about that?

Robertson's rhetoric is of out of touch, paying lip service to a nation with no sense of irony, telling people from a country he skipped out of years ago how to vote.

At first I found it strange he'd put his reputation on the line with this bile. Why do it if you don't have a book to sell? I'd do most things to sell my upcoming comedy memoir (available on Kindle) but for all this grief?

I was shocked that such an experienced politician generated so much attention with so few words and hadn't the decency to have a book punt.

Then I realised that since George Robertson left his £140,000 per annum tax free role as head of Nato he's on the boardroom of various companies earning in excess of £500,000 a year.

The corporate world love people who can lobby (sorry don't say lobby, say improve relations with politicians) and pay large sums to get them on the board of multinational telecoms company Cable and Wireless. I'm just saying, maybe that's why he feels things might be better together.

Maria Miller has a permanent expression on her face, it's similar to Danny Alexander's. It's one that says how did I get here?

Maybe if I shut up, agree with everyone, no one will notice. Maybe if I nod sagely, draw funny pictures of a monkey in a magical suit that takes the monkey on big magical adventures.

That's how she got into politics. She was at a publisher selling her monkey in a suit kids' book and was wrongly mixed up as a Tory MP, next thing you know she was in politics and the money was good and the job easy, everything was done for you.

Ten years later she's sitting in the Cabinet, all this work credited to her that everyone else has done for her and drawing pictures of her monkey in a magical suit that can go on amazing magical adventures. The money, the perks, it's like amaze balls.

Another excellent example of the Peter Principle; someone getting promoted to their own level of incompetence.

That's why Cameron was so reluctant to let her go, not because she was a woman, no, because he loved the monkey in a suit adventures and she would slip him one, an adventure, on a napkin. In return he would keep her in a job.

What? That's a load of rubbish I just made up? What, like her expenses?

Most of the tributes paid to Margo MacDonald covered how inspirational she was to so many young people entering politics.

The Scottish Government should recognise this by creating a lasting memorial in the shape of the Margo MacDonald Scholarship, allowing bright students from less privileged backgrounds (like the sixth flat at Red Road) the chance to study politics at a top Scottish University.

And in news from nowhere…

Instagram turn spelling error into billion pound app showing what you'll look like at 90, Dragon lady Mary Berry.

White House make effort for Scotch week; West Wing transformed into Wee Westie Dug Wing painted in pure braw wee cute red tartan.

UK cabinet descend upon shocked London pub quiz night, do selfie, finish last.

Super Jumbo shortens Scottish visit after rumours to become part of Commonwealth games explosion plans.

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