Just when you think it's time for an old-fashioned conference swally and a right good heckle at Mike Russell, technology and modern political professionalism get in the way.
A couple of guys with the look of payday lenders keep smelling your breath for the smell of mints used to try and block the smell of alcohol.
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It turns out they are in charge of talking to delegates about the latest hi-tech doorstep weapon in the battle for referendum votes.
It's a mobile phone app called Yesmo which allows door-knocking activists to immediately report back to Yes Scotland HQ. They can then reply back with specifically tailored information.
I'd suggest the best weapon on the doorstep would be a phone with a Taser for devil dogs.
The big diplomatic story of the week was the excitement surrounding the possible return of Still Game for a live theatre show, possibly at The Hydro in Glasgow.
Talks between Ford and Greg are tense. Kissinger was rumoured to be seen flying into Pacific Quay telling jokes about seeing pigs flying over the Clyde. Kofi Annan was even spotted on a tour of the fictional area of Craiglang.
Good luck with that, could be a good time to do it, the show is still very popular despite effectively stopping in 2007. These things tend to be about timing and 2014 could be the perfect moment.
Would be great to hear what Jack, Victor and the troops have to say about Yes Scotland, Better Together, the referendum and the Commonwealth Games.
Apart from having that dream again, the one when Hitler whizzes by on a skateboard, giving me that mad stare, it's been a quiet week.
My recurring dream usually happens when I'm worried. I've been concerned about the political situation in America and the debt ceiling. For 16 days, the US government shut down and extended the debt limit. The agreement came just hours before they ran out of cash to pay their bills. Thankfully they sorted it out.
I kept worrying in case Scotland was shut down. All the trouble in America stemmed from the hard line Tea Party members in the Republican Party. How can you possibly drink tea and be hard line?
In Scotland, we could face the same political stalemate. All that needs to happen would be for the major parties to form a couple of splinter groups.
The SSSP (the Square Sliced Sausage Party) could join forces with the PLP (the Plain Loaf Party) and become known as the You'll Have Had Yer Tea Party.
They would be funded by an eccentric billionaire, a former producer of Monty Python movies who owns half of Scotland, is a disenfranchised drunk and probably called Lord Jackson-Kerr of Meikle Earnock, or something like that.
Politically their agenda is unclear, their claims are unrealistic. They want free chocolate on trains, bouncy castle fish and chip shops and most preposterously are demanding to see Scotland qualify for a major football tournament.
From the start of Plebgate, Andrew Mitchell strenuously denied calling a police officer a "f***ng pleb". He was forced from his job before the story was allowed to elevate to the level of being a real "gate".
Even MPs, it seems, can be on the receiving end of what ordinary members of the republic have had to endure for years. The fact that it's happened at such a high level, despite a man losing his job - I'm sure he'll be brought back in - might not be such a bad thing. Welcome to reality for millions of innocent people. Systemic cover-up? Oh quelle surprise.
Anyway, if the police were cute enough they would've arrested Mitchell for zooming around Westminster on the Conservative Party photo opportunity bike. It's the same one they use all the time. You can always tell, they see some cameramen floating around, maybe the odd TV crew, and all fight for the old photo op bike left lying unlocked round the back.
Trust me it's the same one, it has a pannier big enough for Boris Johnson to sit in while singing Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head.
Don't get me started on that pink tie Andrew Mitchell's been wearing. Now that is criminal.
Britain's best known political activist, graffiti street artist and subversive epigram man Bansky has been at it again. This time in New York, where a vendor was selling originals estimated to be worth £20,000 for $60.
I love Banksy's attitude and approach. He's a master at playing the media. I've flipped the Banksy concept on its head. I have a similar idea, called the Fredsy - it's a stencil of former RBS boss Fred Goodwin's face, with a rat's body and tail, carrying a big bag of loot, on canvas, or a wall, yours for a tenner.
Speaking of art, a Henry Moore statue was stolen…How did that conversation go in the pub? Want to buy a seven foot high Henry Moore, mate? How much? Eh £3m, alright, I like you, make it two.
Huge cracks have started to appear on the tram lines in Edinburgh. Ironically, this is usually a sign that the job has been rushed. I'm not even writing a joke here, just writing down the facts.
When asked about this week's energy hikes, David Cameron gave probably the most Tory response imaginable. Did he berate them? No. Did he criticise them for their capitalist hike? No. He suggested switching suppliers.
I think my taxes are too high Mr Cameron. Well, switch countries then, become a tax exile. Just saying...