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Impolitic: poverty porn in Glasgow as Eck fights off the US diet

The political fall-out from the preposterous decision to blow up Red Road flats as part of the Commonwealth Opening Ceremony will run and run.

This is what happens when a clueless head of branding in a PR company called something like You Couldn't Make It Up is bereft of ideas.

The sort of people who go around all day letting ideas percolate while texting and tweeting on their iPad.

'Like yeah, no, yeah, no, we only have a budget for 12 million so no fireworks guys, let's think creatively. We could blow up the Red Road flats yeah, to the 1812 Overture, by eh whoever and like eh a narrative about rebirth?'

Back to Twitter and email. 'Love it.'

Call it what it is; poverty porn. Let's blow up the place where the poor people used to live. Oh how quaint.

What else did they have, ideas-wise? 'Yeah like why don't we have the relay thing yeah, the torch baton make it a stick of dynamite; add tension...'

What does it say? 'Welcome to Glasgow: let's destroy, obliterate, eradicate, reduce to rubble; we're mental...and now over to the bowls.'

When 'creatives' say safety is paramount, it means it's perilously dangerous; many could die. When they say bold, it usually means stupid.

To my American family and friends, this one's for you. Thank you, for your cultural and creative benchmarks. For the Velvet Underground, Nirvana, the Beach Boys, the Sopranos, Seinfeld, Elvis, Superman, Philip Roth, Martin Luther King (killed today in1968, would have been 85), John Wayne, Mohammad Ali, Scooby Doo (died when joined by Scrappy Doo), Breaking Bad and of course Caddy Shack.

By way of cultural exchange,we give you: Scotland Week 2014. Whahaaay...

The FM, sorry, Scotland's First Minster, the Rt. Hon. Alex Salmond MSP, will open Glasgow Caledonian University's New York Campus (there's one in London, remember in February where David Cameron stood at the lectern and begged Scotland not to leave him like a posh country and western song gone bad?)

The Caley, or the Drop Scone School, has come a long way since its humble beginnings, as a college for making dough. GCU are the first British university to launch a drop scone campus in the New York.

The main problem was a cultural one. Scottish scones are sweet, taken with jam and butter. What we call scones, the Americans call biscuits (an unsweetened lump they dip in gravy).

Anyway, apart from the scone/biscuit confusion, it's in Soho, a cool part of town. Personally, I think it's a bit much to ask students to manage the 14-hour round trip daily commute/flight?

I'm just wondering how the FM will manage to tie scones and GCU into his annual American speech - about Scots who signed the Declaration of Independence.

John Knox Witherspoon, a Presbyterian minister from Paisley who left Scotland to head a college in Princeton. No doubt Thomas Jefferson claimed his Scottish ancestors dated back to Robert the Bruce, though there weren't shows like Who Do You Think You Are? so you could say your dad was a carpenter for Nazareth council and get away with it.

Salmond loves James Wilson too, a Fife-born farmer's son. A leading light at St Andrews, Edinburgh and Glasgow Universities, he didn't bake a scone in his life but as an intellectual was inspired by the Scottish Enlightenment, became an incredible legal expert and was one of the six original justices appointed by George Washington to the US Supreme Court.

All this talk of scones and burger joints and breakfasts the size of a small planet must wreak havoc with the gaffer's 5-2 celebrity diet plan. Maybe he should have a week off.

In his absence, Nicola Sturgeon and Johann Lamont went for it. Instead of embracing wee Alex's whistle-stop itinerary of power meeting after power meeting in between some pure junketeering and swallying.

If it was me, I'd be coming back with enough swag - mugs, pens and post-it pads to start an online business.

You know that deep down if Jo-La was the leader, she'd be playing it large like a gangster rapper and going for it with the full Beyonce entourage and shouting to wee Nicola aka Minnie the Minx how do you like yer green cheese doll, roasted or toasted?

I happen to know who the cabinet minister who blabbed about the currency was. Why? Well I followed the story, thought long and hard about the language used, the way it was released, the style and tone of the denial. I analysed the rebuttals, looked at the cowardly way it's all been done, and came to the conclusion that whoever said it was stupid (and Scottish). Michael Gove?

Culture Secretary Maria Miller was red faced and unhappy when she took 30 seconds to apologise 'unreservedly' after failing to co-operate fully with a parliamentary investigation into her expenses.

My advice in these situations as a top QC is to keep non-specific, broad and simply play 'The Father Ted'; plead complete ignorance and claim the money was simply resting in your account.

If that fails, play the averages; remember he doesn't want to lose another woman from his cabinet.

Vince Cable and Dirty Dave's fire sale of the Royal Mail came back to bite them again. Cameron and Miliband traded insults over Royal Mail's privatisation. Miliband accused Cameron of selling it for mates' rates to his friends in the city.

Cameron called Miliband and Balls muppets. Then quickly had to check if Danny Beaker Alexander was present and sitting behind him. Of course any effective opposition would've been shouting and pointing at Beaker.

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