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Lamont's Big Six botch job was worthy of Hallowe'en

IT was a grisly episode ideal for Hallowe'en.

Undeterred by the lesson of Frankenstein's monster, from whom she recently borrowed a haircut, Labour's Johann Lamont took her own stab at radical transplant surgery at First Minister's Questions and botched it horribly.

With the issue proving catnip for Ed Miliband at Westminster, she asked Alex Salmond what he thought of Labour's energy bill freeze.

The imported plan was to make the FM squirm like David Cameron on a Unite picket.

"Why won't the First Minister stand up to the Big Six energy companies on behalf of the people of Scotland and back a freeze?" she asked, hoping for Milibandesque success.

Instead, brows furrowed along the SNP backbenches like a caterpillar conga.

But surely energy law is reserved? Did she want voters to dwell on energy-rich Scotland having no say on the issue in the UK?

"Johann Lamont seems to have forgotten that we don't, in this parliament, have the power over energy bills," Mr Salmond swiftly reminded her. "Just about every family in Scotland would like to see this parliament have control."

Her transplant clearly heading for rejection, Ms Lamont fumbled for some needle.

"You would think with a fortnight off, the First Minister would think about doing his job properly," she sniffed.

"Actually," the FM replied, "I have devoted, with others, a huge amount of time over the last two weeks helping to save Grangemouth. I'm not quite certain what Johann Lamont's role was."

Clawing at the air, stitches popping, Ms Lamont ended in a death rattle of low blows.

"During the banking crisis he stood up for Fred Goodwin," she howled at the FM. "At the height of the Milly Dowler phone-hacking scandal he stood shoulder to shoulder with Rupert Murdoch. Now he stands with the Big Six!"

Mr Salmond's vampire smile said it all.

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