HIGH noon and this week while statesman Dave was away in Auschwitz, the mud-slinging was left to the deputies; Calamity facing the poisoned arrows of La Harman.
From past experience, the DPM knew what to expect; no slow burn, just a relentless attack from first question to last by the big H.
On this occasion, it was a subject closest to the blue-stockinged Labour deputy's heart: women.
Could, she asked, old Nick remind people how many of the seven Cabinet members he had appointed were of the opposite sex?
Slicing through the acrimonious tone, Calamity gazed over his specs to say the Labour leaderene knew precisely who was in the Cabinet ie the answer to her question was: none.
But, puffing out his chest, the DPM barked the Coalition had given the women of Britain a better deal than Labour ever had with: more jobs; better pensions; tax cuts; shared parental leave; better childcare and more flexible working hours. So there.
"Instead of scoring Westminster points, why doesn't she do the right thing for millions of women around the country?"
As the comrades whooped with derision, Ms Harman snipped: "Well, he's reluctant to answer the question, which is unlike him, because normally when he's asked about numbers and women he's quite forthcoming."
Lots of Frankie Howerd-style oohs and aahs reverberated around the chamber.
For the uninitiated, this was a reference to Mr Clegg's admission in 2008 that his female conquests numbered "no more than 30". The indiscreet admission led to the Lib Dem chief being nicknamed "Cleggover".
But Harriet's quiver was not empty. She asked about the fall in sex discrimination cases since tribunal fees were brought in.
Cleggy, naturally, did not know the answer but quickly launched into another tirade against Labour's record on women, noting how female unemployment had risen 24 per cent under the previous government, which gave women a paltry 75p rise in the state pension.
Describing this as "scandalous" he denounced Labour as the "Lance Armstrong of British politics; they've forgotten the better half of a decade of how they messed things up".
Accusing Mr C of being completely out of touch with the lives of women, Ms H added: "It is always the same with you; you talk the talk but you walk through the lobby with the Tories."
But will all this Punch and Judy mean that come May 8, if the numbers are right, Harriet and Nick won't be having a nice cup of tea together in Westminster, trying to form a Lib-Lab Coalition? Of course not.
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