SCOTLAND: Tom Shields, a fan's eye view

George Burley promised the fans that his Scotland team would deliver sexy football at Hampden yesterday.

If there was a display of sex against Norway, it was very much in the Scottish style. There was no attempt at foreplay and the Scots had their Nordic visitors pinned down towards the end.

In the process of a rough wooing, Scotland could have scored. But at the end of the encounter, it was all passion and no penetration. But enough metaphors of a carnal nature. Any further innuendo will be entirely accidental.

Shaun Maloney was rampant straight from the start and had the right flank of the Norwegian defence on the turn. They soon spotted the danger, however, and whenever he was subsequently in possession, the wee man found himself embroiled in a heavy threesome with some big, hairy Scandinavians.

Like most football fans who have never played the game at any decent level, your correspondent here is much more aware tactically than any of the managers and coaches. So I have to raise the issue yet again of why Barry Robson keeps getting played on the right wing when he is the most left-footed player in Christendom and probably beyond.

Barry spent ages yesterday birling around trying to get his left peg into action. Meanwhile, Scott Brown, the man everyone agrees is born to the role of aggressive right-sided powerhouse, was playing defensive midfield.

Luckily for Scotland, Brown decided to play both defensive and attacking positions and was everywhere on the pitch.His contribution was nothing less than stupendous. Robson was much more effective when he drifted inside.

The Scottish central defenders were having a most dangerous and fraught relationship with a tall, dark, and handsome Norwegian called John Carew. There was a distinct possibility of Carew getting both David Weir and Gary Caldwell into trouble as he ghosted effortlessly past them. Thankfully, he was constantly rebuffed by Craig Gordon who was having none of it.

To keep Carew's advances from getting anywhere, Weir had to compensate for lack of mobility by getting up close and very personal. One lingering embrace could have led to a penalty as the Norwegian striker went down dramatically but to no avail.

There was plenty of activity in the Norwegian box but mostly of a fumbling nature. The words firing and blanks spring to mind.

James McFadden, always Scotland's best chance of nicking a goal, was tied down and dominated by his Norwegian markers. One promising move by the Birmingham City man ended when he was firmly taken from behind by Kjetil Waehler.

McFadden was not at his best but it was something of a surprise to see him being substituted. Manager Burley was obviously keen to give a run to Chris Iwelumo.

This was fine but absolutely no reason to take off a fit McFadden when goals are required. Burley was booed for this decision. It has to be said the fans were right and the manager was wrong.

Iwelumo was the culprit in one of the most desperate misses of this or any century. It is right up there with Billy Bremner's against Brazil in 1974.

Fans will tell their grandchildren they were at Hampden the day Chris Iwelumo was in front of an open goal and managed to curl the ball round the wrong side of the post.

We do not wish to be apocalyptic here but that miss may well have ended any hopes of qualifying for South Africa. It may well ultimately cost Burley his job, especially since he is now in receipt of the full backing of SFA president George Peat.

The miss will do nothing for young Mr Iwelumo's confidence or career. Which is a shame since it would have been nice to see the Coatbridge boy doing good. But on yesterday's evidence, we know why it has taken Iwelumo to the age of 30 to get his big break. And why he has played much of his football at Colchester, Cheltenham, and York City.

Sadly, the inclusion of Iwelumo and young James Morrison are reminiscent of the selections in which our former coach Mr Vogts used to indulge.Certainly, Scotland's prospects have gone a bit Berti-shaped.

It is my duty as a fan with a laptop to state that I thought the referee was a bit of a fanny. He failed to give a penalty when Steven Fletcher was not only brought down in front of goal but almost set upon by those rough Norwegians.

There was a moment when Scott Brown had been fouled but managed to retrieve the ball and jink his way past three opponents only for Mr Busacca to bring him back to take a free-kick.

There were moments with a definite frisson at Hampden yesterday. They all involved the Scottish Rockettes, the lovely cheerleaders who cavorted to great effect. These young ladies were dressed in fetching mini-kilts. With the mini-ness of the kilts and the cold wind that was blowing around the national stadium, there was a definite chance of the girls getting chaps.

On the park, it was a case of no sex, we're Scottish. But plenty of that usual post-match tristesse.