Health

When your plate's overloaded, getting down and dirty can seem as attractive as being stuck in a never-ending supermarket queue with the kids screaming. And our constant TV and advertising diet of sex can be soul-destroying, especially when we realise we don't measure up to the sexual exploits of our favourite TV characters (who does?), because it's like continually hearing about a party you're not invited to.

But you're not alone. A study in the Journal Of Sex And Marital Therapy reported that 24% of couples reported having no sex in the previous three months.

We've become addicted to "doing" and have forgotten how to simply "be", and our sex drive is one of the first things to suffer when our balancing act becomes unbalanced. And the emotional toll on a relationship when sexual desire fades can be huge.

From a woman's perspective, she can feel less feminine and worry what her partner thinks and whether he will stray.

This downward cycle continues - loss of interest leads to misunderstanding, which leads to even less sexual connection.

Before you start to panic, don't! Your libido goes up and down naturally depending on what's happening in your life, and fortunately for most people, a lack of libido is only a temporary situation. Get your love life back on track with the following straightforward advice and have a red hot Valentine's Day this year.

Work on your relationship with your partner You can't have sex with the enemy. Don't let resentment build up. Identify core disagreements to avoid repeating the same patterns. Start with small, identifiable issues so you don't let loose all at once and overwhelm your partner. Talk without blaming them.

Break with your routine and rediscover the joys of spending time together, being together. But romantic weekends away can put too much pressure on both of you to succeed and your sexual expectations might not be met. Focus on just enjoying one another's company and not the sexual aspect.

Kiss and touch daily, in ways that won't necessarily lead to sex. Studies show people who kiss every day are less likely to divorce than those who have sex every day. A soothing massage is an easy way to reconnect or try having a bath or shower together. Communicate your needs to your partner.

In every other walk of life we emphasise how important the imagination is, but when it comes to sex, Britain is still hung up about what is normal. Use your imagination and try something new or a little different.

Banish stress Write down why and when you feel stressed and make a concerted effort to change this. Do you worry about your finances? Money is the most common cause of couples arguing. Sit down over a glass of wine and discuss your common goals without recrimination, or if you want an objective mediator, make an appointment with your bank manager. You'll be less likely to scream at them.

Make time to relax and get plenty of sleep - at least seven hours. This may be easier said than done, but try it for a week and you'll be amazed how much more productive and motivated you'll feel. Difficult tasks will seem more manageable. Also, set weekly goals and note deadlines, so things don't creep up on you.

Fuel your body with a healthier diet Eat right and you'll have more energy for sex. Studies have shown a lack of protein reduces libido. Good sources are chicken, fish, eggs and lentils.

Vitamin B6, which is found in oatmeal, beans, spinach and avocado, regulates sex hormone function and Vitamin B3, found in seeds, asparagus, and green leafy vegetables improves blood flow.

Boost your intake of Vitamin C from fruits like oranges and grapefruit because it helps boost your levels of oxytocin, dubbed the love hormone' because it helps orgasms and has been shown to bond couples. And despite the pungent smell of garlic, eating it will increase blood flow thereby heightening sensitivity.

Bananas contain a mind-altering substance called bufotenine, a natural aphrodisiac that makes you happy and more confident. Gingko biloba helps boost circulation necessary for good orgasms. Siberian ginseng is particularly good for people who are under a lot of pressure. Both are available at any good health food store.

However, if you feel constantly tired, visit your GP to find out if you're anaemic and need an iron supplement.

Get moving Women who exercise regularly have higher sex drives. A survey by the magazine Personal Training for Women found 92% of women who work out said it gave them more confidence and 51% said it increased their sex drive. Regular exercise also helps combat stress, which lowers sex hormone levels.

Go to the pool. Swimming is the best exercise for your sex life because it tones your pelvic floor muscles which affect the intensity of your orgasm, increases your stamina and leaves you feeling relaxed. Horse-riding, cycling and walking are also effective.

Self-esteem Be kinder to yourself, otherwise anxiety becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Reward yourself when you've done a good job because you're worth it. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and positive people who don't drag you down. Don't constantly compare yourself to others and what they're doing - it's unrealistic, destructive and ultimately pointless. Admit your fears and work on change because overcoming them will be the biggest boost you can get.

Remember, the best thing you can be in bed is confident.