DO a piece on New Year resolutions, said the sports editor, attaching a fresh hose to his flame thrower.

This left me in a bigger pickle than the day I dived into a jar of chutney. But that's another story.

Here's the thing. I do not write New Year columns. The more discerning may remark that I do not write columns at all. But I cannot find it in myself to write the staples of the New Year column.

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Resolutions? I have all the self-restraint of a footballer on Twitter.