Conspiracy theories abound after Andy Murray's abrupt exit from the competition.

With the testimony of a couple of bored photographers regarded as authoritative, lip reading experts are drafted in to pore over the BBC highlights of his quarter-final defeat by Grigor Dimitrov as though it were the Zapruder footage. Apparently some people were spotted on the grassy knoll. Around 10,000 of them to be exact.

For the record, your diarists are inclined to downplay all this idle chit chat about Andy and Kim Sears having an argument "five minutes before his match". They have an argument five minutes before every article they have written this fortnight. And five minutes after. And during.

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Black humour. At least the Scot can laugh about his misfortunes. A garbled enquiry in pidgin English as to whether (a) he feels that he lost the match or (b) his opponent merely won it, elicits the following response. "I certainly lost the match today, yeah," Andy said. "I don't think I won it."

Criticism reaches a crescendo about the precise tactical plan prepared for the Scot by Amelie Mauresmo. Grigor Dimitrov has also received some vital hints and tips from the woman in his corner, girlfriend Maria Sharapova. "Tips?" the Bulgarian asks. "She says 'win it'. What can I say? That's a good tip."

Roger Federer gives a colourful answer on the subject of Wimbledon's picky dress code. "We're all white. White, white, full-on white."

Product placement with a difference. The younger diarist picks up a pamphlet from a religious fanatic entitled 'Beware of Religious Fanatics Handing out Pamplets'. Now that's what I call ambush marketing.

Nick Kyrgios, the hero of the fortnight, is rather nonplussed to find that Australian prime minister Tony Abbott has been offering his congratulations. "Yeah, I think I saw a tweet or a Facebook status by him or something like that," the 19-year-old from Canberra said.