SUPPORTERS of both Celtic and Rangers were left fuming this week when Mark McGhee claimed there was an agenda against Motherwell.

Sorry, but the feeling everyone is against you when they aren’t has been the shtick of the Glasgow clubs long before that paranoia drifted over to Lanarkshire.

McGhee was sent to the stand during his side’s 7-2 defeat to Aberdeen after annoying fourth official John McKenderick; the first ever instance of the guy on the sidelines actually doing anything part from remind managers to stay within their technical areas.

A job which a brian-damaged squirrel could just about manage.

So off McGhee went to find a seat, some Aberdeen supporter filmed him, the Motherwell manager asked a policeman if that was legal and then the footage stopped just as he was about to drop the F bomb.

You should check it out. Funny doesn’t begin describe it.

Earlier in the season, McGhee squared up to Celtic assistant Chris Davies. In November he claimed a steward up at Dundee acted “more like a bouncer” in the tunnel as he waited to have a word with referee John Beaten.

Maybe there is an agenda against Motherwell. Maybe McGhee is right to seek legal advice, as he said he would do in the week. It would certainly be interesting to see the assistant manager of Scotland sue the SFA who are his employers.

.................................................................

Rangers can give off the impression of lacking in self-awareness and a sense of humour.

That dour Calvinism – not that there’s any other kind – still roams the halls of Ibrox, or so it has been said.

However, the club showed a lighter side this week when they put out a tweet which told everyone that despite having started the last two games, Philippe Senderos feels he can play better.

Given that one bluenose in the office was heard to say that the Swiss centre-half’s performance against Morton was “the worst I have ever seen by a Rangers player,” the question which has to be asked is; can big Phil play any worse?

.................................................................

More five-a-side names now and some of you really do live in the gutter.

We will start with the gentler Borussia Teeth and FC Copenbadly but soon it descends into utter muck.

I hope those who play for Not in Mum's Forest, Stroke Titty or Getafe Mysister are proud of themselves. I know I would be.

.................................................................

The only thing your diarist loves more than daft football names is daft, and yet clever, football songs.

With thanks to a website called Celtic Quick News, a few supporters have up with some absolute gems for Tom Rogic.

All together now to the tune of Waltzing Matilda

WE ALL SING TOM ROGIC

WE ALL SING TOM ROGIC

YOU COME WE ALL SING TOM ROGIC WITH ME

WE SANG AS HE SCORED AND WE CHEERED FOR THIS AUSSIE BHOY

YOU COME WE ALL SING TOM ROGIC WITH ME

That’s not bad; however, a man called Brian Duffy edged into the lead with this ditty.

Waltzing Tom Rogic, Waltzing Tom Rogic

He waltzed right past Nico Kranjcar with ease

And as he glanced back to check the Croats whereabouts

Poor Nico’s tongue was down at his knees

And then we come to the Shakin Stevens version which should always be approached with caution.

No one scores goals like Tom Rogic

You can’t keep him down for long 

You can’t keep him in your pocket

Six foot plus Aussie buzz bomb

Watch him curl them with his left foot

See him strike them with his right

No one scores goals like Tom Rogic

Our big Aussie’s dynamite!

But the winner is this one, which still needs a bit of tweaking but is rather good.

Tom comes from the land down under

We signed him from Central coast mariners

Can you hear can you hear the Rogic thunder

You better run you better take cover

For those who know their 1980’s pop music, this is a version of a song by a band called Men at Work, which is probably what the songwriters above were when they spent hours coming up such nonsense, which does border genius.

.................................................................

Tiger Woods has been told to “lie horizontal” as he attempts to get back to fitness.

Is that not the position which got him into so much bother in the first place?

.................................................................

Who knew hair could be unethical?

Well it can in the United Arab Emirates as Asamoah Gyan, a footballer who plays for Al Alhi in Dubai, found out to his cost. The former Sunderland striker is one of 46 deemed to have haircuts which go against local law.

Some Islamic teachings ban 'Qaza' hairstyles, where only part of the head is shaved. Individual match referees judge whether players' haircuts are appropriate or not.

The World Cup in Qatar really is going to be an absolute hoot.