IN these bing, bling, cha-ching times of whiz-bang gadgetry, it seems there’s a new variation on an old chant being spewed forth from the terraces. ‘The VAR’s a w*****’.

Yes, after some initial teething problems in the FA Cup the other night, the newly installed VAR, or Video Assistant Referee, is already about as popular as a Hugh Dallas Q&A in the Brazen Head pub.

Here in the Scottish fitba scene, of course, that aforementioned VAR acronym has been fuelling parochial paranoia for years when it comes to matters concerning the man in the middle.

VAR? Why it can only mean Veers Always to Rangers. Or is it Vehement Allegiance to Rangers? You get the idea.

In France, meanwhile, it’s a case of who’s the, ahem, enfant naturel in the black? French whistler Tony Chapron caused some Ooh La La when he aimed a kick at Nantes player, Diego Carlos, during a match with PSG and then sent him off.

“This clumsy gesture was inappropriate,” shrugged Chapron with Gallic nonchalance before being banned indefinitely. Rumours that oor ain Willie Collum was to be drafted in as cover swiftly began to circulate in the cafes and patisseries.

“Chapron’s ban will be revoked immediately,” said a French Football Federation spokesperson … apparently.

YOU can’t beat the romance of the Scottish Cup fourth round.

Brechin City, who have been at the bottom of the Championship for so long now their shirts have grown deep sea coral, take on Celtic this weekend while Rangers are off to The Broch to face Fraserburgh.

These kind of giddy, David & Goliath occasions are always accompanied by that well-worn football cliché ‘the cup’s a great leveller’.

These were, in fact, the rousing, inspiring words used by the Bon Accord manager as he sent his troops over the top and into Scottish Cup battle with Arbroath back in 1885.

And what happened? That’s right … Bon Accord lost 36-0.

FORGET all these footballing mercenaries making big money moves in the transfer market, the best bit of business in the January window thus far has been the loan deal agreed for the Bayeux Tapestry between France and the UK after months of talks.

This elaborate, 70-metre-long embroidery, which depicts scenes from the 1980 Scottish Cup final riot or something like that, has not left French shores in its 950 year existence and anticipation is building as to where it will be housed during its stint across the channel.

Given the number of loan deals Graeme Murty has negotiated, don’t be surprised if it is paraded in the Blue Room at Ibrox come deadline day.

TO Ayrshire, and that well-kent US warbler Marie Osmond, whose song Paper Roses was adopted as a Kilmarnock club anthem, has Tweeted her congratulations to Rugby Park boss Steve Clarke on his manager of the month award.

Of course, musical Marie once demonstrated the full range of her multi-octave voice with an enchanting rendition of Pie Jesu.

Either that, or she had just burned her mooth on a Killie Pie …