IT is Sunday night at Hampden.

Tommy Docherty stands on what was a platform for most inductees to the Scottish Football Hall of Fame but is a stage for him. He has amassed an arsenal of one-liners in his 85 years on planet football. He fires them precisely at a host of willing victims.

He talks of marking Juan Alberto Schiaffino, the great Uruguayan, in Basle 1954. Uruguay won 7-0 but were leading 4-0 at half-time with a Schiaffino hat trick. "I walked into the dressing-room and the sponge man was bawling me out, saying I had been told to mark Schiaffino and what had happened. I replied that I could not got near him for guys patting him on the back and shaking his hand."

The material is so old it deserves listed status. Docherty, blessedly, is well-preserved. He is greeted with sustained laughter that owes much to his delivery and something to an affection he provokes in even the most disinterested observer. It is Monday morning at Hampden and Docherty is giving a matinee performance. He is naturally, brilliantly witty. The content may be familiar but the delivery is sharp and precise.

Docherty is a rascal. He has been involved in rammies on and off the park, high court actions and an affair with a physio's wife that led to him being sacked by Manchester United. Yet he is also a serious football man who has been marked by strong, sometimes brutal experience on and off the park. It is 25 years since he managed a team but, among 13 such engagements ranging from Altrincham to Sydney, he brought through a precocious young side at Chelsea, managed at United and briefly but dramatically was at the helm of Scotland .

Of his stint at Old Trafford, he says: "Managing United is different from managing any other club because of all the politics: Henry Kissinger wouldn't have lasted 24 hours at Old Trafford. When I tried to sign Peter Shilton from Stoke, Sir Matt Busby said 'we're not paying £200,000 for any player'. Then, when I told him that Stoke were paying him £200 per week, he said that we wouldn't be paying anyone that much. Anyone I wanted to sign had to be Sir Matt's choice as well."

He was supportive of David Moyes, the recent successor to Sir Alex Ferguson. "Alex was the man behind his appointment. David did an incredible job at Everton with the resources he had at his disposal. I'm hoping he does well because he's a great coach and a very nice man."

Docherty, of course, left United in 1977 after he admitted having an affair with Mary Brown, wife of physio Laurie. His United team had won the FA Cup just days earlier. It was to be the high point of his career as a manager and a crucial juncture in his life, leading to an enduring estrangement with some of his family. He treats all this with a mixture of throwaway humour and deeply-held sentiment. He told of how he was immediately appointed manager with Derby County who were drawn to play United in the FA Cup. "After the game, I went up to do the press conference. One of the press boys said: "We notice you spoke to Mr Brown after the game .

"I said: 'Actually, he spoke to me'.

"'Can we ask what he said to you?'

"'He asked - how's the wife?'

"You have to have a sense of humour or you've no chance."

Docherty was, however, sincere about the erstwhile Mrs Brown. "She's brilliant. She's worth 20 Manchester Uniteds."

But he must have wondered what might have been? What if he had kept Jimmy Greaves at Chelsea and the young side including such as Terry Venables, Charlie Cooke and Peter Osgood had grown together? What if he had endured at United? And what if he had taken Scotland to the World Cup in 1974 instead of leaving the national side for Old Trafford? "One of my biggest regrets was leaving the Scotland job when I did. One of my biggest faults was that I was too impatient in terms of managerial jobs," he says.

Scotland went to West Germany and returned home unbeaten under Willie Ormond. "I was at Coventry one day in the build-up to the finals and Willie was down watching Jim Holton play," Docherty recalls.

"The first question he asked me was how you fill in your expenses at the SFA. I told him not to do it through Willie Allan, who was SFA secretary - if he'd been a ghost, he wouldn't have given you a fright. I told him to do it through Ernie Walker, the assistant secretary."

Again, the humour serves to disguise the discomfort of leaving a job that would have presented him the opportunity to manage on the world stage. It also masks the unease of turning his back on a nation he loved to represent.

Docherty, who played for Celtic, Preston North End and Arsenal, won 25 Scotland caps. He had the option of retaining each jersey or taking a £15 match fee. Twenty-five jerseys are in his wardrobe in Derbyshire.

This significant revelation is left on the table for only a moment before he returns to the absurdity of management and his departure from Queens Park Rangers after he had taken them to the top of the league in 1968. He was summoned to a meeting by Jim Gregory, the club chairman. "He had a bottle of Champagne with him and I thought: 'Ya beauty, I'm getting a new contract'.

"He said 'Mr Manager?' I said: 'Yes, Mr Chairman?' He said: 'I'm calling it a day'. I said 'Don't be daft, you're doing a great job'.

"He said: 'You're fired'. He wanted to bring Terry Venables in who was birds of a feather with him.

"He asked me how much I was owed in severance money and I said: '£40,000'. He offered me £20,000 and I said: 'I'll take it'. He said: 'Why are you taking £20,000 when I owe you £40,000?' I told him if I didn't take £20,000, I'd get nothing and he said I was right. He counted the money out in notes into my hand and said: 'How did you get over here today?' I told him I'd come over in my club car and he snatched the keys out of my hand. I said 'How am I going to get home?' - he said: 'Get a taxi, you've got £20,000."

Docherty then headed to Aston Villa, Porto, Scotland, Manchester United, Derby County, Queens Park Rangers again, Sydney Olympic, Preston, South Melbourne, Wolverhampton Wanderers and Altrincham. The tangible spoils from all of this were a league cup from his first job at Chelsea and that FA Cup with United. There was also a lifetime of experience, however.

"People ask me what makes a great manager and I say it is good players. Crap players get you the sack, it's as simple as that. Luck also plays a big part. You've got to get the breaks." Docherty got them, good and bad. And laughs at both.