The ticket is safely in the back pocket.

The drink tokens are in the wallet. There is a piece in the rucksack.

Now is it is just a matter of watching those fellows hitting the ball with their sticks. The first challenge is to access the course. There are trains, but the tickets are sold out. There are park and rides but ticket sales for them ended last Friday. It is mostly a matter, then, of getting a lift to a park and ride and cadging a lift on the buses, with ticket to course on display. There are no drop off points at the course for private cars or taxis.

One can start under the cover of darkness. The first bus departure is at 5.45am with the last bus home at 9pm.

And don't think you can just take your helicopter as "all landings are by prior arrangement only". There are buses from Perth, though.

Leave time, too, for negotiating security. Inside the course, there are two immediate options. Grab a grandstand seat or decide to wander around with the players. Remember, the latter option may be akin to standing in the football terraces of Hampden circa 1960. Make a memo to grow six inches before you arrive at Gleneagles. The grandstands are located at the practice ground and on holes 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8 and 10-18.

Buy a Ryder Cup radio for a tenner on the course. It will be mayhem and there will be times when you do not know what you are watching never mind who. Radio will give you updates, particularly on Sunday when there will be 12 ties and there may some room for some late elbow room at a contest that becomes particularly dramatic.

Big screens and scoreboards are on holes 1, 6, 8, 9 and 11-18. There are two big screens in the Ryder Cup Village, and at each park and ride. If the golf becomes all too much for you, there is a museum and various activities in the village.

The merchandise is reasonable in sporting event terms with a polo shirt 40 quid and a fleece 50, with £15 for a bobble hat. A specially designed Ryder Cup fiver will cost you £20 in a commemorative package. These, presumably, are only available from Thesawyoucoming Booth. Ticket holders may also purchase a limit of one banknote at face value in the designated RBS banknote-exchange kiosks.

All major credit cards are accepted and there are ATMs in the Ryder Cup village.

There is enough food on the course to supply the invading army of punters with Jamie Oliver's Fabulous Feasts, whatever they may be, available. There is, of course, a Moet and Chandon tent for visitors from Fife and enough grog in various bars to float The Vital Spark.

The following items are prohibited from being taken beyond ticket and security checkpoints or into the venue: bags and rucksacks greater than 12' in any dimension; cameras; ladders; picnic baskets; briefcases; portable TVs; pushchairs; bicycles; deckchairs; audible pagers and banners; personal mobility scooters; lifesized blow-up dolls of Colin Montgomerie. Okay, I made up the last one.

One can take in a mobile phone but do not call Big Andy to tell him you are having a great time when Ian Poulter has a four-footer to win the whole shebang. Phones should be on silent, not used as cameras and liable to be confiscated if these strictures are ignored.

There is, however, a blow for Team Herald as we sit in the grandeur of the big tent that is the media centre. There is no creche facility on site, so heaven knows what we will do with wee Nick Rodger.