FOR a self-confessed petrol-head like myself, the news this week that the UK Government will ban all new petrol and diesel cars and vans from 2040 came as something of a shock - however, nothing like the bombshell news that came out of Germany concerning the internal combustion engine.

Because on Monday it emerged that Mercedes, the same manufacturer that has dominated F1 over the past few seasons, are going to end their participation in the German Touring Car Championship (the DTM, or to give it its full name, the Deutsche Tourenwagen Meisterschaft) at the end of 2018.

No big deal, I know, for some of you. But in the world of German motorsport, this is the equivalent of England not playing Test Match cricket, or Ferrari pulling the plug on Grand Prix racing, or Real Madrid or Barcelona giving the Champions League a body swerve.

Instead, they will move in to the silent, non-polluting world of Formula-E, which for me is just over-sized Scalextric.

This comes off the back of Audi retiring from Le Mans racing, although will stay in the DTM with BMW, while there is also talk of Alfa Romeo making a comeback. But no Mercedes.

If you think F1 is advanced, on many fronts over the years, it has played catch-up with DTM. It is also a series where Scots such as Dario Franchitti, David Coulthard and Susie Wolff have all raced, and Paul Di Resta, the 2010 champion, still does, ironically for the Mercedes-AMG team.

My own experience of DTM came in the early 90’s when I was invited across by Mercedes for the chance to ride shotgun in one of the race cars - or ‘taxis’ - as the teams call their two-seater demonstration versions.

I was introduced to my chauffeur, Danish driver Kurt Thiim, who would talk me through a lap, then let rip. Even the warm-up run wasn’t exactly peaceful, Thiim wrenching the car from side to side to get heat in the tyres, and banging on the breaks to get them hot enough to fry eggs.  He was having to the temperatures back up again as the car had gone a bit cold while the mechanics mopped up the puke deposited by the previous guest. And then we were off at full-chat.

To be honest, doing laps around the Hockenheim short circuit was quick - very quick - but a lot less damaging to my head, neck, lungs and spine than the warm-up session. A real thrill. And the Mercedes impressed me so much, I went and bought one.

Somehow though, I don’t think I’ll be so enthusiastic to get my hands on one run by batteries ...

EURO KO

Scotland’s women bowed out of the European Championship on Wednesday evening, despite beating Spain 1-0. It was reminiscent of the World Cup of 1978, when we beat Holland and then packed our bags.

“We don’t deserve to go home,” said Scotland coach Anna Signeul. Warning, controversial comment coming up.

But sorry Anna; you can hardly have any complaints given you lost two matches and the first of those by 6-0 to England. Still better luck next time - although that could be a while given I said the same to Craig Brown after the World Cup in France in 1998.

TATTOO YOU

My tales of tattoos remains on-going after I was sent this offering by one of my less-busy colleagues. In other words, they are in advertising. That is a joke, honestly.

And, you’d have to think the photograph (left) is as well. I mean, as Harry Hill would say, “what are the chances of that happening,” where you’d walk in to a tattoo parlour in Santa Ponsa and ask for a ‘ten in a row’ tattoo on your chest, and end up with this?

Always a risky business asking for a tattoo. Something could get lost in the translation.

Still, I can feel the sympathy out there...

TWITTER YE NOT

And, believe it or not, some people out there haven’t yet dived in to the shark-infested waters of social media. What’s wrong with you? You don’t know what you’ve missed this week. Come in, the water is lovely – just don’t get your popcorn wet.

One who does tweet is our Monday football columnist, Tam McManus, who found this on his timeline the other day.

“Wow, just witnessed a lion kill in front of us & 4 more try to take down some buffalo who ended up chasing them off before bolting. Unreal” claimed one message.

Tam’s reply was quick and priceless. “You in Balornock mate?” . . . I did laugh.