A TRAVEL company in America, whose name we won’t mention, has been doing a roaring trade of late in something called disaster tourism.
If you fancy holidaying where a Tsunami killed thousands, several villages disappeared into an earthquake or where some war wiped out an entire region, then these are the guys are for you.
“Come to Hiroshima and see the exact spot where a massive bomb killed 166,000 people. Bring the kids and a packed lunch.”
As I live in Glasgow, I’ve no desire or need to visit a city ravaged by the most horrific of circumstances which has left the people wandering the streets with all hope of a normal life gone. Hang about Central Station long enough and all those boxes and more get ticked.
However, in my own way I actually am a disaster tourist, at least in terms of following Celtic in European football for the best part of 20 years. Although I am prepared to concede atomic destruction is a touch more serious than a team being put out on the away goal rule.
Whenever Celtic do well on their travels, I am not there. But I’m your man for Artmedia Bratislava, a 7-0 hiding at Barcelona, Bobo Balde punching the ball in Lyon to kill off a last 16 place, Henrik Larsson breaking his leg and losing to Lincoln Red Imps.
There was also a defeat to ten-man Anderlecht, a poor team, and defeats in Portugal (lots of them), France, Switzerland, Ukraine and many more.
Every team needs a pre-match boost before a big Champions League match and the outstanding news for Brendan Rodgers, his players and Celtic supporters everywhere it’s that I will be nowhere near Trondheim when Scott Brown leads out his team to face Rosenborg.
Any time Celtic have done well away from home, the night David Marshall denied Barcelona, the run to Seville, that win in Moscow and the points gained last season in Manchester and Monchengladbach, I was on the couch.
I’m not a spiritual man but this is more than circumstance. Quite clearly I’m a jinx.
When the demons come at night, the memory of walking absent minded up the aisle of an aeroplane and my laptop coming with a couple of inches of whacking the recently plastered leg of Larsson is never far away.
Or that time walking into a holding room at an airport in Bratislava to declare to my chums that the 5-0 defeat was ******* *****, only to realise it wasn’t just the press who were there. Needless to say Messrs Lennon, Sutton and Thompson were less than enamoured with what in my defence was a fairly accurate summing up of the situation.
The night in Gibraltar was one when all of us in attendance looked at each other and asked; “Is this really happening?” And then came Barcelona when after goal number five we began to look up Celtic’s record defeat, which is never a good sign.
There cannot be a club with a record in Europe which is both wonderful and appalling within a matter of results. Even the Lisbon Lions were knocked out in the first round months after winning the European cup, to Dynamo Kiev who managed to win in Glasgow.
And tonight in northern Norway, this Invincible Celtic team have a huge amount of pressure on them, as much as any in recent years.
Lose and there will still be a chance to get into the Europa League group stages and this squad would have an excellent chance of having a prolonged campaign in the competition, which would be no bad thing.
However, the Champions League is where Celtic need to be, for no other reason than to show the small-minded down south that the winners of what they like to call a pub league are actually a damn, fine football side good enough to be in with the best of the best.
And the money would come in pretty handy as well. We could be talking £40m just to make the group stage.
It is now down to the manager and players to ensure this happens. I’ve done my bit. I’m not there. Brendan, Dermot and Peter… there is no need for thanks.
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