Regular readers of this column - and by 'regular' I mean those who give these printed haverings a fleeting glance before using it to wrap up the tattie peelings during the prep process for the Tuesday night beef olives - will have noticed that I've been away these past couple of weeks.
It has even told you in the bottom corner of the page just in case you needed absolute proof.
'Nick Rodger is away' it stated discreetly to all and sundry with a sense of quiet optimism. It all sounds very glamorous, doesn't it? By implying this correspondent is 'away', the air of far-flung mystery and intrigue that I may be cavorting about on some lavish excursion, like 007 on a Lochs & Glens bus tour, grew by the week.
Of course, the reality is slightly different. Because of my lack of organisation and downright couldn't be bothered-ness, I spent most of the past fortnight basking on the shimmering, sun-soaked beaches of my own living room and doddering around aimlessly like Norman Wisdom pretending to be lost in a hotel lobby.
And now, here I am back at the coal face again, fighting off deadlines with my bare fists.
At least the world of golf doesn't have a break. Mind you, it could probably do with lying in a darkened room for a while. The fall out from last month's Ryder Cup, in America at least, has lingered like a nuclear winter and the latest palaver in this long running pantomime was the sacking at the weekend of Ted Bishop, the outgoing president of the PGA of America.
The silver-haired supremo was given the heave-ho with little more than a month left to serve in office after calling Ian Poulter a 'lil girl' during a fairly petty, online Ryder Cup-related squabble that, all of a sudden, has become one of those 'media storms'. As I lay on my sun lounger - sorry, my couch - I couldn't help but chortle at the utter lunacy of the situation, particularly as I watched presenters on those anything-to-fill-a-minute rolling sports channels trying to look all stern and worthy as they shrieked the breaking news of Bishop's 'lil girl' blast.
The fact it had to be pronounced 'lil' not 'little' by English anchormen and women made for an even more awkward caper. Bishop later took to another website to up the ante and suggest that Poulter sounded 'like a little school girl squealing during recess'. Powerful stuff eh?
Of course, Poulter, a regular thumper of online knee-jerk reaction, could have easily poured cold water on all of this with an off-the-cuff response to this pointless bickering that grown men really shouldn't involve themselves in. Instead he added fuel to the flames by coming over all pious and holier than thou. "Is being called a 'lil girl' meant to be derogatory or a put down against me? That's pretty shocking and disappointing, especially coming from the leader of the PGA of America," said Poulter.
In this rat-a-tat-tat world of remorseless technological tapping on Twitter and the likes, the whole affair has exploded. For those who like to pick and choose their battles and various moral crusades, this was a Godsend. The outpourings were predictably hysterical.
Bishop was immediately labelled a sexist oaf, despite the fact that he was one of the more outspoken critics of the Royal & Ancient's (now defunct) male-only membership in recent years. The usual bleatings about golf's 'ingrained sexism' poured forth in wild abandon while Bishop's two daughters - both of whom are involved in the golf industry - had to come forward and mount a vigorous defence of a man who, it seems, has committed the most atrocious crime on the planet.
By this measure, George O'Grady, the chief executive of the European Tour who caused a stooshie last year by using the world 'coloured', should have been stripped of his title, frogmarched to the White Cliffs of Dover and hurled into the crashing waves below.
The world of Twitter - laughingly described as social media despite a good chunk of the users being unsociable troglodytes who cocoon themselves in their own little realm and churn out self-absorbed banalities - is a dangerous place.
Like Poulter, the maverick Bishop is not one to keep a low profile. His was a narcissistic reign during which he constantly thrust himself into the news while blissfully forgetting that the game is much bigger than one administrator. He acted in outspoken and reckless defiance of the rule makers at the R&A and the United States Golf Association over the anchoring ban and he lent his support to a harebrained scheme to increase the size of the hole to 15 inches.
Bishop was also the man who employed Tom Watson as the 2014 US Ryder Cup captain only to witness a calamitous unravelling that has since led to the PGA of America forming a bewildering 'task force' featuring just about everything from past captains and players to superheroes, Elvis and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
As one of the most powerful figures in golf, Bishop should have known better than to involve himself in silly internet squabblings in an era when every word can be pounced on in a flash before damning judgement is passed in an instant. It was a schoolboy error . . . oops, can I say that?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereComments are closed on this article