Even for the most lavish of nights out, the preparation remains steadfastly ham-fisted and usually consists of a quick swab of the oxsters and neck with an old sock that has been doused in dish water.
Despite this fairly haphazard approach to self-grooming, there remain certain things that even this stylistically challenged oaf can view as visually off-putting. Liberal lashings of face paints during golfing team events would have to be one of them.
Thanks to a combination of sun block and barely recognisable Stars and Stripes splattered on to their cheeks, some members of Team America competing in the Solheim Cup at the weekend looked more like Pierrot clowns that had just been handed eviction notices. The glumness was understandable, of course. Europe's rousing 18-10 triumph in Colorado was a real slap in the face for the hosts. "We got our butts kicked", said the US captain Meg Mallon, as she preferred to focus her disappointment on another part of the body.
Whatever area of the anatomy was skelped, the Europeans hit the USA where it hurt. In a contest full of fist pumps, pouting, prolonged rules palavers, finger wagging and some down-right dodgy displays of golfing etiquette, the 2013 Solheim Cup will linger in the memory for a variety of reasons, good and bad.
In the end though, the historic triumph by the visitors should not be overshadowed. With some commentators labelling the occasionally bad-tempered tussle the "Catfight in Colorado", it was perhaps fitting that Catriona Matthew, the redoubtable Scot who continues to campaign with a quiet dignity and a respectful air, demonstrated the qualities of class throughout and claimed the half point that gave Europe overall victory, just moments after Swedish sensation Caroline Hedwall, who gobbled up five points from five during a wonderful weekend, had ensured the cup would be retained.
In a career of magical Solheim Cup moments for Matthew, who now has 5½ points from seven singles jousts down the years, this was the icing on the cake.
Given that Europe had a team packed full of rookies, the sense of American entitlement in this event - based on results and world rankings - was heightened until they were brought crashing down to earth. How this feelgood factor will extend to the game on this side of the Atlantic and bolster the Ladies European Tour remains to be seen but a first win on American soil in the 23-year history of the biennial battle is a moment to savour.
This wasn't just a victory, it was a domination. The US had won by seven points in the inaugural matches in 1990 and Europe racked up a similar winning margin in 2003. But an eight-point chasm has ripped up the record books.
It wasn't that long ago that the Solheim Cup was in danger of becoming an irrelevancy. The last-gasp triumph for Europe at Killeen Castle two years ago had something of a galvanising effect, though, and the fact they have now conjured back-to-back wins for the first time, as well as this maiden success away from home, has brought a major barrier crashing down.
History can often be a millstone around the neck but Europe's golfers showed no fear or mental weakness. Charley Hull, the 17-year-old who was playing for Great Britain & Ireland in the amateur Curtis Cup at Nairn just a year ago, typified this sense of adventure and her 5&4 rout of Paula Creamer in the second of the singles ties was a devastating blow. Poor old Creamer looked distraught and no wonder.
When she qualified for the US team aged 19 in 2005, she was the youngest to do so. She won her first three singles matches but her unbeaten record was blown away by Matthew in 2011, who crushed her 6&5 in the top match. On Sunday, she crumbled to Hull, who stayed true to the words of her fellow Woburn member Ian Poulter: "be respectful but ruthless".
In Hull, the Ladies European Tour have a real gem, but the lure of the riches and opportunity on offer on the US-based LPGA circuit, where most of the Europeans compete, will prove hard to resist.
This week, a number of the Solheim Cup players will be competing in the Canadian Open, which boasts a purse of $2m. The next scheduled event on the European circuit is the Ladies Scottish Open at Archerfield next weekend, where the pot is a more modest €220,000. So far, only Matthew, a loyal supporter, is signed up to play. The money and the corporate backing is simply not here and, for the lesser lights, it can be a scramble. There was only one regular LET event in June and just two in July. Hardly a packed schedule in the peak season.
For the men, this week's Johnnie Walker Championship at Gleneagles is the first European Tour event for a month. In both the Ryder Cup and the Solheim Cup, Europe continues to prosper, but achieving growth amid the financial rigours in its heartland remains a challenge.