His final season as a professional then becomes a farewell tour, with the midfielder revealing he wants to spend it getting to know the people behind the scenes at every club visit throughout the year and listening to their football stories. In return these clubs present McCulloch with gifts and make presentations in front of their own fans to thank the player for his contribution to the game.
Imagine then that Rangers draw Celtic away in the Scottish Cup. McCulloch is given a standing ovation by the Celtic fans ahead of kick-off, before chief executive Peter Lawwell and manager Neil Lennon present him with a portrait of himself as well as numerous other tokens of their appreciation.
At this point the obvious question would be: just how many mind-bending drugs do you need to take to come up with this image?
Yet a similar story is unfolding in the United States right now. Mariana Rivera, the legendary relief pitcher for baseball's behemoths the New York Yankees, is counting down the days to his retirement, having announced in March that he would be calling it a day come the end of the season. It has not just been Yankees fans who will be sad to see him go. Rivera has spent 19 seasons with New York - baseball's establishment club and one not particularly liked outside of the city - but his longevity, personality and prowess on the mound mean he has become a feted figure, respected and admired throughout the country.
It has been quite the farewell tour. On his final visit to every stadium, Rivera, from Panama, has been showered in adulation and gifts. Some have been unique. The Minnesota Twins commissioned a rocking chair made of the bats smashed by Rivera's pitches over the years, calling it the Chair of Broken Dreams. The Cleveland Indians had a gold record made of Metallica's Enter Sandman, the tune to which Rivera takes to the field from the pitchers' bullpen (warm-up area). Even the Boston Red Sox, the Yankees' long-standing nemeses, got in on the act. On Sunday night, Rivera was welcomed to the field before the game "to receive small tokens of our appreciation of the virtues and values that you embody".
He was handed a framed portrait, a placard with his shirt number signed by the entire Boston team, as well as an authentic 1934 seat from Boston's Fenway Park stadium. The owners, general manager and head coach of the Red Sox then lined up to shake Rivera's hand before handing over a cheque for the 43-year-old's charity foundation. A banner held up by one home fan read "the only Yankee we will miss", while Rivera responded by scribbling a thank-you message on the visitors' dug-out wall.
They do nostalgia and numbers very well in American sport and this year-long tribute to Rivera is an acknowledgement that baseball will never see his like again.
He has spent the majority of his career as a closer - the pitcher who comes into the game, usually in the final inning, with his team guarding a narrow lead - and built up a reputation as one of the most reliable in the game. He has been described as "lights out" meaning only very rarely does the opposition get to wriggle off the hook. His statistics back it up. He leads Major League Baseball in saves - meaning he effectively closed the game out - and in games finished, while being named 13 times in the All-Star game that takes place each summer between the American and National leagues. His most lethal pitch, a cut fastball that moves away from a right-handed hitter at more than 90 mph, is said to be one of the most difficult to hit in the game.
Despite his superstar status, there is nothing ostentatious or flashy about Rivera. His humble, respectful qualities are part of the reason he is so revered by fans of other clubs. A devout Christian, his charity foundation has raised millions for underprivileged children both in the United States and in his native Panama.
There would be few who would grudge him the accolade of bowing out of the game as a World Series winner for a sixth time. That, though, looks unlikely. The Yankees are going through something of a lean time just now, a combination of cost-cutting and injuries meaning their squad is not the formidable force it used to be.
They are fourth in the five-team American League East division, and in fifth place in the race for the two wild card play-off berths. It would be quite the Hollywood ending if they were somehow to rally from this position and make it all the way to the World Series, with Rivera taking to the mound to close out the win. If not, his final appearance will come in Houston against the Astros on September 29. It will be a memorable occasion as baseball bids farewell to the greatest closer of all time. The Sandman is about to take his exit.