The fixtures fixed? Ridiculous, Davie Boy. Cast your mind back to a time not that long ago when you weren't Manchester United manager and the then incumbent would find himself involved in Grand Slam Sunday.
This was a time when four teams, United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal, dominated English football and by some remarkable quirk of fate they played each other on exactly the same weekend. And Sky milked Grand Slam Sunday because the satellite channel knew this was merely serendipitous good fortune that pitted those four teams against each other on the same weekends, every year, and especially late in the season when a title was on the line.
Anyway, it came to pass that the four were no longer the four and a couple of other teams muscled in on the territory. So that the four became a six and, of course, the six suddenly started playing each other on the same weekend, every year and sometimes more than once.
LIVERPOOL v MANCHESTER UNITED
Two of the original big four meet in tomorrow's afternoon kick-off with question marks over both. The aforementioned Moyes has failed to strengthen his squad yet and his first season could hinge on the activity carried in the final days of the window. Liverpool, meanwhile, have bought shrewdly in the market. The latter have tightened up with the addition of Kolo Toure but Brendan Rodgers is, well, still Brendan Rodgers.
ARSENAL v TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR
The contrasting fortunes between these two north London rivals can be measured in their summer market activity. Arsenal have spent nothing with Yaya Sanogo and Mathieu Flamini the only new arrivals on frees while Tottenham have invested heavily, spending in excess of £100m. Yes, they have lost their best man in Gareth Bale, last year's triple player of the year, but they have strengthened the squad in almost every other area and, most notably, in midfield where Paulinho, the third-best player at the Confederations Cup, and long-time Arsenal target Etienne Capoue have been drafted in. The middle of the park is an area where Arsene Wenger has long been criticised for not having fixed sooner and it can now justifiably be argued that Tottenham have a stronger spine than tomorrow's opponents.
Tottenham are a best-priced 13/8 draw no bet and that has to be the pick given their form in derbies. They should win but then they should have qualified for the Champions League for the past two seasons. The loss of Lukas Podolski is a blow for Arsenal and Spurs are more resilient but the draw option covers unforeseen circumstances (you know, like, Emmanuel Adebayor being sent off after 20 minutes when Spurs are 1-0 up). I'm also tempted to do a sneaky double on United and Spurs to win. That pays 9.44/1.
A tenner down the toilet and one that was for the flushing pretty early on. Two words: Bloody Aberdeen. But then I'm sure their fans know that already. The total stands at: £198.46