Forget all this bawling, brawling, finger-jabbing and fist-shaking that's going on at Rangers - an unseemly stooshie that's a bit like standing in the queue at a Sports Direct half-price sale - the best takeover story by far this season was provided by Poundland's £55 million acquisition of the 99p Store.
It was the biggest eye-brow raiser since I discovered that John Wayne was actually called Marion. Presumably, with this kind of money swilling around the company, we'll can now march into our nearest branch of Quidcountry and purchase such lavish items as Honduras, the east wing of Buckingham Palace and a six-pack of Faberge eggs all for 100 pennies each.
In the cash-soaked world of golf, meanwhile, the focus is already turning to the 2016 Ryder Cup, with the European captain for the match at Hazeltine expected to be unveiled at Wentworth tomorrow (WED).
A five-man panel - featuring Paul McGinley, Jose Maria Olazabal, Colin Montgomerie, David Howell and the European Tour chief executive, George O'Grady - will lock themselves in a vault and hum, haw and hum some more before probably giving Darren Clarke the nod over Miguel Angel Jimenez.
It is a decision-making process full of intrigue and the tangle of complex, personal relationships would rival that of Fleetwood Mac. McGinley's connection with Clarke is strained to say the least and, from room-mates in their formative years on tour, they barely speak nowadays. Clarke initially backed McGinley's candidacy for the 2014 match at Gleneagles, then changed his mind, put himself forward, then withdrew before giving his support to Montgomerie while suggesting that, in the wake of the US appointing Tom Watson, the Europeans needed a "huge presence". It was a considerable slap in the face for McGinley.
Of course, Clarke and Monty have the kind of love-hate relationship that would make Fatal Attraction look like an episode of Steptoe and Son. Clarke was particularly critical of Montgomerie's darkest hour on tour when TV footage showed the Scot had replaced his ball in a more advantageous position after a weather delay in the 2005 Indonesian Open. Since then, there has been something of a rapprochement. Monty handed Clarke a vice-captaincy role at Celtic Manor in 2010 before the Northern Irishman came out with that aforementioned support for Montgomerie as the scrap to be the 2014 captain became increasingly messy. Olazabal, meanwhile, will no doubt be torn between his countryman, Jimenez, and his good friend, Clarke.
By all accounts, Clarke, who has the support of a number of Europe's big-hitting players, is the favourite in what is, essentially, a two horse race. The fact his golf game has gone to pot will probably help him too. The 46-year-old has not had a top-10 since he won the Open in 2011 and has slithered down to a career-low of 461st on the world rankings. His main rival Jimenez, on the other hand, remains wonderfully competitive on both the main tour and the senior circuit. At 51, the sprightly Spaniard is still 45th in the world rankings and eligible for all the big events on the golfing calendar. Jimenez still has plenty of reasons to focus on playing while Clarke would probably have far more time to devote to the all-consuming role of captain.
Whatever the outcome, the sense of succession within Team Europe - a valuable quality which is sorely lacking in the USA set up - will continue. Like McGinley and Olazabal, Clarke and Jimenez have both served their time as assistants, they know how it all works and they would carry this 'boot room' culture forward, with their own little tweaks and stamps along the way. It is a template that players are comfortable with. The only European skipper to ignore this blueprint recently was Nick Faldo with his slap-dash regime of 2008 - and Europe lost for the only time this century.
While Team USA has bumbled on with confusion and calamity, Team Europe has the confidence that comes from continuity, clarity and cohesion. Personal differences will be put to one side this week to preserve this unity.
AND ANOTHER THING
Jumping on the virtuous bandwagon these days is almost as easy as louping on a bus given the regularity in which they rumble by. The other week, the frenzy that greeted the Open Championship's switch from the BBC to Sky in 2017 caused a quite astonishing outpouring from both pundits and public alike. So where was the furore last Thursday when, as reported in Herald Sport, the Ladies' Golf Union unveiled that the Women's British Open would also be leaving the Beeb in two years' time? You could have applied the same "it will have damaging consequences for participation" line of scaremongering that accompanied the wailings about the men's Open but, in these times of pick-and-mix outrage, there wasn't a cheep. Meanwhile, HSBC, a huge sponsor of worldwide golf and one of the Royal & Ancient's key commercial partners, continues to be embroiled in a tax avoidance scandal. No so long ago, the marketing men at the banking giant were lecturing the R&A about its male-only make-up and saying they were "uneasy" about the policy. The moral high ground can be a difficult place to keep your footing, eh?
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