Slim pickings on the walk from Southfield.

No, not the country and western star. The trek towards Wimbledon is normally made less onerous by the goodies on offer from companies handing out their wares.

The Elder Diarist yesterday had to make do with sachets of calorie-free sweetener and bottles of still water. The last few yards to Gate 1 was thus made under the influence of sugarally water.

This will mean nothing to younger readers. Older readers will remember with a pang of nostalgia (and pain) the way one could feel the enamel of one's teeth disintegrate on contact with said liquid.

Emerging from the Tube, one is confronted with a veritable ba' heid. One of the promoters for a taxi service to Wimbledon has dyed his hair yellow and scored it to resemble a tennis ball.

Younger Diarist confronted his elder with the observation: "That is the second ba' heid you have seen this morning. The first was looking back at you from your shaving mirror."

It must be admitted, though, that Elder Diarist's napper more resembles a homage to the Mouldmaster in size and texture.

Most unpopular bloke in the press room is the chap who pleaded with Serena Williams to change the subject back to tennis while the world No.1 was involved in a spat over comments about boyfriends etc.

One hack muttered to the Elder Diarist as he left the media room: "Why would we want to talk about tennis when Serena and Shara are going at it? It would be the equivalent of asking Mike Tyson his views on Marxist dialectics while he was knocking the head off an opponent."

The queue has its wondrous charms, particularly for those who do not have to wait in it. There were those who were only fortified with bags of goodies from Tesco Express but the Diarists were taken by four refugees from Brideshead Revisited who were toting an impressive hamper. It must have been the servants' day off.

Rummage note: the neutral Swiss were caught in a flag day row at security on the first day. A guard told a Federer fan that her flag was too big.

After heated pleas, said supporter was allowed to keep flag after she assured him that she "would not take it out". It is this sort of robust policing that allows the Elder Diarist to sleep peacefully at his desk.