ON THE SPOT: Michael Grant

THE FIRST thing to be said about the Nacho Novo for Scotland story is that we should all have been very grateful for it. At the end of a grey week for Scottish football - Walter Smith bemoaning sectarianism, the SPL champions rag-dolled in Manchester, Eddie Thompson laid to rest in Dundee - we were crying out for something lighter. There was a need to lift the collective mood and wee Nacho obliged. He can count it as doing his bit for his country, like any of his fellow Scottish patriots would.

Smith rolled his eyes when he was first asked about all of this at Rangers' weekly media briefing, like he'd been told a mischievous but likeable child had got his head stuck in a set of railings. It was a reaction which effectively said "Nacho says he wants to play for Scotland? Christ almighty. What next?"

These stories come along every now and again. In the past we've had cases being made on behalf of Didier Agathe and Lorenzo Amoruso and now it's Novo. Those three make even the Surrey skinhead, Matt Elliott, seem as Scottish as haggis, neeps and tatties, which takes some doing.

Scotland went through a spell of throwing out lifebelts to all sorts of characters with tenuous credentials for representing the national team but at least the likes of Elliott, Don Hutchison, Neil Sullivan and Jonathan Gould had trace amounts of heavily diluted Scottish blood in their veins.

All of them sneaked under the qualification radar through the bloodline eligibility rule, as indeed Graham Alexander, James Morrison and Kris Commons do today.

We can at least kid ourselves on that they were all raised at their dad or grandad's knee with tales of Hampden, Denis Law, Jim Baxter's keepie-uppies, Kenny Dalglish, the Wembley crossbar and everything else from the checkered Scottish back catalogue.

But Agathe? Amoruso? Novo? Their "eligibility" isn't far removed from saving up enough stamps to redeem them for an international cap. British passport: comes with free appearance for Scotland if you wait long enough in the queue.

The Fifa residency rule under which they would qualify amounts to a mechanism to award journeymen players a Scotland cap for long service. Sadly, if they weren't journeymen they wouldn't stay in Scottish football long enough in the first place.

What is the point of an international team if it is not a meaningful representation of one country's prowess and status when judged against all the others (a principle which is stretched to breaking point even by the grandparent rule)? What is the point of supporters committing any time, effort or money towards following a side comprising not their countrymen, but a rag-bag assortment of opportunists and other countries' rejects?

No-one can fault Novo for all the previous attempts he made to use the media in an attempt to talk himself into the Spanish international squad. He was playing in a relative football backwater the Spanish would find easy to ignore so it was in his interests to speak up and draw attention to himself.

There were occasions when his dogged efforts and valuable goals for Rangers might, just might, have forced him on to the margins of their thoughts. In the end they were able to become champions of Europe without him.

When it came to trying to get a cap for his country Novo gave it his best shot. Scots can sympathise with him - or not - without wasting any time on the ludicrous notion of consoling him with a welcome to George Burley's squad.

Novo cheerleaders can point to the fact Scotland have had a German manager and currently operate with an English assistant, but those facts are meaningless. The backgrounds of the coaching staff never will represent the essence of international football in the way the nationality of the players must. The likes of Agathe, Amoruso or Novo being capped by the SFA would reduce the Scotland strip to a flag of convenience.

The grounds for opposition would be unchanged even if there was some way that a player as talented as Cristiano Ronaldo remained uncapped by his own country while living here for long enough to be eligible for Scotland. The issue of whether Novo is good enough for Scotland - he would be worth a place in the squad - is irrelevant. What matters is that he is Spanish, 100%, through and through.

The idea of him playing for Scotland need not be taken seriously by many beyond the immediate circle of Nacho Novo PLC. His partner and children are Scottish so perhaps the time will come for the Tartan Army to get behind a wee Novo, but not for a few years yet.

In the meantime we should raise a glass for giving us a smile in a bad week. Either Sangria or a dram, Nacho, whatever comes naturally.

So much for all the talk of an "affinity" between Manchester United and Celtic fans. If such a thing exists it didn't stop the United fans dishing out some cruel taunts towards the end of Tuesday night's rout. "Premier League? You're having a laugh," they mocked. "Are you Rangers in disguise?" Maybe most hurtfully of all, "3-0...in your cup final..."

There was still a weary wit in the Celtic support's chant 25 minutes after the final whistle, though. With Old Trafford empty of home fans, but 3700 visitors held in the East Stand, they used the tune of Sloop John B - recently debased within Scottish football, of course - to sing: "Manchester polis...we want to go home."