Born in Germany, raised in Northern Ireland, resident in Scotland more or less since 1982. Fond of tea, Tottenham Hotspur and Touch of Evil. I’ve written one book (Whose Side Are You On?, Yellow Jersey, 2011), and interviewed Tracey Emin twice. Hopefully no one holds either against me.
In Brookmans Park, 20 miles north of London, Tracey Thorn has woken up and seen the stocking on the end of her bed. It will have a party blower in it, one of those puzzles where you move a little ball bearing around trying to get it into a hole, and, best of all, those Lindt chocolate animals.
But they're not heading for a football match at Hampden or a rugby game at Murrayfield. The latest incarnation of Anglo-Scottish rivalry is to take place in a library.
On Saturday, writers Christopher Brookmyre and Kevin Williamson will, at least metaphorically, pull on Scotland blue to take on England's Joe Dunthorne and Graham Joyce in a reading competition in Glasgow.
The Literary Death Match is one of a huge number of events being staged this week as part of Book Week Scotland.