Last Wednesday, the Farmer went to a council meeting. It had been called to sack the man who dared to stand up to Donald Trump, the American who wants to build the "world's finest golf course" and a small town on the sand dunes just north of Aberdeen. I am pleased to say that it was another farmer, Albert Howie, who stole the show.
The Farmer had to leave home at the crack of dawn, which fortunately isn't until after eight at this time of year. There was time to look at the Menie estate upon which Trumpton will be built if the scheme wins approval. What a fine site it is. Menie House looks early Victorian and sits amid lawns and lakes overlooking some very undistinguished farmland to the dunes, Aberdeenshire's own Sahara, a good half a mile away.
At the council door was a plucky crowd of 63, with placards all in support of Martin Ford, whose casting vote at his infrastructure committee had rejected Trumpton. There were only 30 seats for spectators in the chamber, so the Farmer had to show his aged Guild of Agricultural Journalists card to get in and avoid the indignity of the overspill room, to which proceedings were to be relayed.
They started with some housekeeping designed to make sure that no small committee would ever again have to shoulder alone the burden of a billion-pound decision. In future, the whole council will have to share the slings and arrows of those who do not get their way. And then it was on to giving Martin Ford the sack.
The councillors were very nice in putting the boot in. All agreed that decent Mr Ford had done everything according to the council's own rules and that his casting vote had been used properly for the status quo, but he had to go anyway.
That was until the Buchan farmer got up and called a spade a spade. Albert said the council were fools to put somebody who was trained as an evironmental expert in charge of so important a committee. And he thanked goodness that we now had a Scottish Government that could take the decision away from such fools. The Provost asked our man to stick to the point, then told him not to abuse Mr Ford and then, when he ploughed on, told him to sit down, adding "I will not have personal abuse."
Albert looked surprised but he shouldn't have been. Plain talking is for the byre. It is no good in government, apparently.
The vote was 26 for sacking, 10 for retaining Mr Ford, and 29 heroes of democracy did not vote.
The decision had an element of vindictiveness but principally, it was a message to Trump that we do want him and to influence John Swinney who now has the last say. Sacking Ford had no direct effect on the progress of the planning application and it had no merit as justice. So Trumpton is in Swinney's hands. I hope he enjoys the lobbying that will go on. He will hear a lot of humbug, including some or all of the nonsense the Farmer has heard in the last few weeks.
1) "Let him build a golf course, what's the harm in that?" Well it's not about a golf course. It is about houses.
2) "The councillors are looking a gift horse in the mouth. They are going to get 1500 houses, a much-needed grand hotel and it isn't going to cost anything." On the contrary, Mr Trump is asking us to give him an asset worth not less than £200m, and, make no mistake, if the council put that land up for sale with planning permission for 1500 houses they would get that sort of money.
3) "This will be good for jobs". Good for jobs? We have employment now on such a scale that we need thousands of Poles and I still can't get my wee gymnasium built in the garage so the Breadwinner and I can defy gravity for as long as possible. In so far as Trumpton impinges on the labour market, it will simply mean that other things will have to join the queue. It may be good for employment in the area somewhere down the line as the oil runs out, but at the moment there just isn't anybody here who isn't busy. Trumpton is going to include accommodation for 400 workers and that will help unemployment in Poland unless Mr Trump manages to get a boat load of Mexicans collected along the American border.
4) "Donald Trump is said to be building Trumpton in honour of his Scottish mother." Fine. Noble even. But what a strange place to build a tribute to a Highlander.
Aberdeenshire is the capital of the north-east Lowlands. And the English-speaking Lowlands is where the Highland lairds got their overseers to kick their Gaelic-speaking clansmen out and clear the Highlands for sheep. Menie Estate is as far from the Western Isles as you can get in Scotland both geographically - and culturally. It would be far more appropriate for Trumpton to be built in the West of Ireland.
5) The local paper ran an internet poll on Trumpton. A pal in Perth had a look and was intrigued to find that it showed 58% against and only 42% in favour. So he duly signed. Next day, the poll had been withdrawn.
He was told that was because it was "unrepresentative". They were right of course. Such polls are useless, but why did they commission it?
What is a poll that you only use if it favours you, but more humbug?
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