The Diary | The Herald

A delighted David Donaldson tells us this arrived in the post yesterday. He says: “I can't see how nudity at my age is going to enhance a nice Sainte-Estèphe, but I admit the wine stains will be easier to wash out.”

Herald Diary: Fawlty logic behind Britain's war response
In an episode of the1970s TV show, Fawlty Towers, comic actor John Cleese lampooned Germany’s military history by allowing his long legs to flail fabulously in a mock version of the goosestep. Diary reader Chris Robertson, perhaps unwisely, showed a YouTube clip of this famous scene to a German pal...

Foster Evans spotted this tips jar in a Great Western Road boozer, where the staff seem to be swithering about what to spend their extra dosh on…

Foster Evans spotted this tips jar in a Great Western Road boozer, where the staff seem to be swithering about what to spend their extra dosh on…

Herald Diary: You should see what's at the bottom of Snowdonia...

Cockney rhyming slang expert Jack Benson tells us he’s sending his condolences to Sheila’s family

Cockney rhyming slang expert Jack Benson tells us he’s sending his condolences to Sheila’s family

It might be taps aff in Glasgow but things aren't the same on the islands

Alex Salmond was a big problem for comedian Des McLean

Alex Salmond was a big problem for comedian Des McLean

Herald Diary: The complaint that is so very Edinburgh...

Chris Robertson, who spotted this sign, points out that it’s hard to argue with the facts, and the logic is also immaculate.

Chris Robertson, who spotted this sign, points out that it’s hard to argue with the facts, and the logic is also immaculate.

Herald Diary: An easy way to make those bingo wings better

Stuart Neville from Clydebank spotted this number plate on a Mini. “Surely a broomstick is the more traditional mode of transport?” he says.

Stuart Neville from Clydebank spotted this number plate on a Mini. “Surely a broomstick is the more traditional mode of transport?” he says.

Herald Diary: Revealed: the real problem with a man's beard

Rod Crossan spotted this nifty mug and says he’s sure it will be very popular with customers, especially customers whose first name is Elon and surname is Musk.

Rod Crossan spotted this nifty mug and says he’s sure it will be very popular with customers, especially customers whose first name is Elon and surname is Musk.

Herald Diary: Rude behaviour from a Pig in the bedroom

Bob Wallace from Pollokshields admits being totally stunned that he missed the announcement of this remarkable scientific advance. “Turns out it was hair conditioning,” he says. “What a let-down.”

Bob Wallace from Pollokshields admits being totally stunned that he missed the announcement of this remarkable scientific advance. “Turns out it was hair conditioning,” he says. “What a let-down.”

Herald Diary: Should you get danger money for cutting the grass?

The Scottish Parliament at Holyrood as seen from Salisbury Crags

The Scottish Parliament at Holyrood as seen from Salisbury Crags

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

2

Over-familiarity has not reduced my wonder at Holyrood - but it should be in Glasgow

A scene from the film Quo Vadis: see

A scene from the film Quo Vadis: see

Herald Diary: Lesson: Never try to hurry a Govan boilermaker

The son of Carole Craig took this photo on a recent trip to Paris. Apparently it’s a cubicle where you can do your business...

The son of Carole Craig took this photo on a recent trip to Paris. Apparently it’s a cubicle where you can do your business...

Herald Diary: So who needs a sick note in this day and age?

David Donaldson says this would be the perfect place to tinkle the ivories, playing Beethoven's Symphony No, 2 in D major. He adds that it certainly gives new meaning to a piano stool.

David Donaldson says this would be the perfect place to tinkle the ivories, playing Beethoven's Symphony No, 2 in D major. He adds that it certainly gives new meaning to a piano stool.

1

Herald Diary: When the game was a bogey for a hopeful golfer

Observant David Donaldson spotted this sign and concludes: “When it comes to taxing the people of Scotland, it seems to be a case of 'LEZ is more'.”

Observant David Donaldson spotted this sign and concludes: “When it comes to taxing the people of Scotland, it seems to be a case of 'LEZ is more'.”

1

Herald Diary: Yes, a hamburger curry is technically possible

Maurice Deane says this sign pretty much sums up adult life.

Maurice Deane says this sign pretty much sums up adult life.

Herald Diary: Why you really should go for the express stairlift

Ms Cherry made a passionate speech - but not one of her party colleagues had chosen to support their colleague deliver her disquisition

Ms Cherry made a passionate speech - but not one of her party colleagues had chosen to support their colleague deliver her disquisition

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

3

Away from Holyrood's flea circus, Cherry's on top form with lesbian visibility speech

Could Taylor Swift pen a break-up song for the SNP and the Greens?

Could Taylor Swift pen a break-up song for the SNP and the Greens?

Herald Diary: Relationships are funny, aren't they?

Fraser Kelly in Manila notes that although Scotland’s islands are suffering from the ferry woes, in Macau travelling to Barra is simplicity itself.

Fraser Kelly in Manila notes that although Scotland’s islands are suffering from the ferry woes, in Macau travelling to Barra is simplicity itself.

Herald Diary: Cod psychology from the Glasgow tramp

Barrie Crawford spotted this sign in a shop in Aberdour, where we imagine that marital disharmony is rife.

Barrie Crawford spotted this sign in a shop in Aberdour, where we imagine that marital disharmony is rife.

Herald Diary: There's nothing so fickle as a robin redbreast

Bruce Johnson says: “Everyone’s a spoilsport these days. Especially when you’re parched and desperate for a refreshing beverage.”

Bruce Johnson says: “Everyone’s a spoilsport these days. Especially when you’re parched and desperate for a refreshing beverage.”

Herald Diary: So could midges make it in the movies?

Impressed Bill Thompson says: “So kind of First Bus to provide an area to disrobe now the weather is warmer.”

Impressed Bill Thompson says: “So kind of First Bus to provide an area to disrobe now the weather is warmer.”

The Herald Diary: Bantering with batman

Gordon Casely assumed he had stumbled into a scene from Gone With the Wind. Disappointingly, it was only the welcoming sign for a village near Birmingham.

Gordon Casely assumed he had stumbled into a scene from Gone With the Wind. Disappointingly, it was only the welcoming sign for a village near Birmingham.

Herald Diary: A slice of discord between Edinburgh and Glasgow

Herald Diary: Why you shouldn't try to be an art critic in Spain

This trapped beastie was spotted on an Aviemore train by Dave Brown, who says: “Hopefully that door is triple-locked. A haggis tends to get pretty darned ferocious when it’s cooped up for a long journey…”

This trapped beastie was spotted on an Aviemore train by Dave Brown, who says: “Hopefully that door is triple-locked. A haggis tends to get pretty darned ferocious when it’s cooped up for a long journey…”

Herald Diary: Much respect to this Taylor Swift fan

David Morrow spotted this eatery in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, and says: “I presume sartorial elegance is the dish of the day.”

David Morrow spotted this eatery in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, and says: “I presume sartorial elegance is the dish of the day.”

Herald Diary: At last, the teenage brain explained

Rob Moore assumes the food in this restaurant goes down a treat…

Rob Moore assumes the food in this restaurant goes down a treat…

Herald Diary: One good reason why you need a landline

“This topsy-turvy pub sign is confusing,” notes reader Chris Robertson, “unless you’re tipsy-turvy with too much ale, then it’s probably much easier to read.”

“This topsy-turvy pub sign is confusing,” notes reader Chris Robertson, “unless you’re tipsy-turvy with too much ale, then it’s probably much easier to read.”

Herald Diary: The Hunterston emergency that lasted a decade

How can we improve the Grand National?

How can we improve the Grand National?

1

Herald Diary: A hot reception for the cold caller

“It’s certainly a dead good name for an Italian restaurant,” points out reader Chris Robertson.

“It’s certainly a dead good name for an Italian restaurant,” points out reader Chris Robertson.

Herald Diary: The only way a ginger can survive in Spain

David Donaldson often contributes pictures to Google Maps, which later quizzes him about various photos taken in or near cafes and restaurants he’s visited. “This popped up today,” says David, “proving that Artificial Intelligence can be dumb.

David Donaldson often contributes pictures to Google Maps, which later quizzes him about various photos taken in or near cafes and restaurants he’s visited. “This popped up today,” says David, “proving that Artificial Intelligence can be dumb.

Herald Diary: A solar eclipse? Pah, we're so used to it

An impressed Katherine Hutchison says: “I didn’t know sheep and lambs could read, but it seems the ones near the Falls of Clyde can.” The Diary wants to know if they have any other aptitudes. Maths or physics, perhaps?

An impressed Katherine Hutchison says: “I didn’t know sheep and lambs could read, but it seems the ones near the Falls of Clyde can.” The Diary wants to know if they have any other aptitudes. Maths or physics, perhaps?

Herald Diary: How the eclipse gave an object lesson in astronomy

Diane Chapman is curious to know what sort of eggs they lay, as she’d like to cook an exotic omelette.

Diane Chapman is curious to know what sort of eggs they lay, as she’d like to cook an exotic omelette.

Herald Diary: The women who let whisky go to their heads – and got away with it

The introduction of Scotland's new Hate Crime Act has not gone smoothly

The introduction of Scotland's new Hate Crime Act has not gone smoothly

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

National government

31

Scotland is not the hate-filled hellhole our privileged elite tell us it is

Blind Date is coming back to our TV screens

Blind Date is coming back to our TV screens

Herald Diary: So who says romance is dead?

“We mustn’t blame the sheep for this unfortunate occurrence,” argues Bruce Johnson. “It never would have happened if the farmer had taught them to read.”

“We mustn’t blame the sheep for this unfortunate occurrence,” argues Bruce Johnson. “It never would have happened if the farmer had taught them to read.”

Herald Diary: The scent of a woman being courted

Roberta Davidson says anyone who wants to get to the town outskirts is plumb out of luck.

Roberta Davidson says anyone who wants to get to the town outskirts is plumb out of luck.

Herald Diary: Guess what the child rebel spent his pocket money on?

Rhona Williamson says this might be one for the police to investigate under the new Hate Crime Act, especially if an offended squirrel gets in touch to complain. Or an offended cigarette, come to that…

Rhona Williamson says this might be one for the police to investigate under the new Hate Crime Act, especially if an offended squirrel gets in touch to complain. Or an offended cigarette, come to that…

Ange Postecoglou

1

Herald Diary: Oh how I wish I could get rid of Ange Postecoglou

When there’s talk about there being too many people on the planet, what they really mean is that there are too many poor people on the planet, says Kevin

When there’s talk about there being too many people on the planet, what they really mean is that there are too many poor people on the planet, says Kevin

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

4

Let’s not kid ourselves on with this self-righteous virtue orgy on climate change

Looking for the Kilmarnock bus? See

Looking for the Kilmarnock bus? See

Herald Diary: Ardrossan and the joy of six

Campaigners across the Glenkens area of Dumfries and Galloway are fighting to save Dalry Secondary School, which is the subject of mothballing proposals

Campaigners across the Glenkens area of Dumfries and Galloway are fighting to save Dalry Secondary School, which is the subject of mothballing proposals

A day with the communities fighting council plans to mothball their school

Bruce Johnson says this sign answers the age-old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” He was desperately trying to flee the proprietors of this shop.

Bruce Johnson says this sign answers the age-old question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” He was desperately trying to flee the proprietors of this shop.

Herald Diary: See Rab C? You've seen Scotland, then

Derek Service sends us another advert for a language school. We’re not quite sure whether this is a promise or a threat.

Derek Service sends us another advert for a language school. We’re not quite sure whether this is a promise or a threat.

Alan Titchmarsh

Herald Diary: Why Alan Titchmarsh can't keep his trousers on in North Korea

Gordon Casely was unnerved by this mind-boggling bog roll in Aberdeen’s Palm Court hotel. “To acquire the paper starting from a seated position,” he says, “one must perform a rear back double somersault, plucking a sheet while airborne.

Gordon Casely was unnerved by this mind-boggling bog roll in Aberdeen’s Palm Court hotel. “To acquire the paper starting from a seated position,” he says, “one must perform a rear back double somersault, plucking a sheet while airborne.

Herald Diary: Dire times in a Glasgow school

Chris Robertson says: “Be warned. It might be a Herr -raising experience…”

Chris Robertson says: “Be warned. It might be a Herr -raising experience…”

1

Herald Diary: Welcome to the 21st century: Freemasons in cargo shorts

The Princess of Wales recording her message announcing that she has cancer

The Princess of Wales recording her message announcing that she has cancer

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

4

I am a proud republican but I’ll still light a candle for Kate at Mass today

Jim Leishman: could have, should have. See

Jim Leishman: could have, should have. See

Herald Diary: Jim Leishman and what might have been

Foster Evans spotted this sign outside a Haddington sports shop. Unfortunately most conspiracy theorists won’t notice the sign. They’ll be too busy looking over their shoulders to spot it…

Foster Evans spotted this sign outside a Haddington sports shop. Unfortunately most conspiracy theorists won’t notice the sign. They’ll be too busy looking over their shoulders to spot it…

Herald Diary: When the Tories deserve more than a fine

A rather mystified Bill Thompson asks: “Who would want to park a football in a car park?”

A rather mystified Bill Thompson asks: “Who would want to park a football in a car park?”

Herald Diary: No Marti Pellow, no Wets, surely

John Munro says:

John Munro says:

Herald Diary: Increase my step count? I'm no plonker

Australia-based Stewart Daniels notes that number plates are very creative Down Under. “This one,” he says, “allows its readers to finish the sentence themselves…”

Australia-based Stewart Daniels notes that number plates are very creative Down Under. “This one,” he says, “allows its readers to finish the sentence themselves…”

Herald Diary: Pints to ponder on a visit to the doc

Police Scotland has been ridiculed over a campaign aimed at cracking down on hate crime which features what has been called a ‘pound shop version of a Sesame Street character’

Police Scotland has been ridiculed over a campaign aimed at cracking down on hate crime which features what has been called a ‘pound shop version of a Sesame Street character’

KEVIN MCKENNA'S DIARY

6

Scarily stupid Police Scotland hate campaign deserves a real monstering

Wee county, big personalities: Alba's Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh and the SNP's John Nicolson

Wee county, big personalities: Alba's Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh and the SNP's John Nicolson

Dr Lisa Cameron

Unspun: The Herald political diary

Herald Diary: We need to talk about Kev

David Donaldson spotted this VW parked just off Byres Road. He says: “Can't decide whether the owner is a computer technician, an osteopath or a DJ of mature years (because that is not a cool young person's car).”

David Donaldson spotted this VW parked just off Byres Road. He says: “Can't decide whether the owner is a computer technician, an osteopath or a DJ of mature years (because that is not a cool young person's car).”

Herald Diary: You've got to feel for poor old King Charles

Andrew Leach wonders if this sign is warning that a stray John Cleese might be wandering the stairs

Andrew Leach wonders if this sign is warning that a stray John Cleese might be wandering the stairs

Herald Diary: A whisky secret

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