Cutting comment
STROLLING in Glasgow’s south side the other afternoon, reader Paul Bates spotted an unusual sight.
A chap, who must have been employed by the council, was mowing the grass on a plot of communal land.
Okay, perhaps that isn’t an especially exotic occurrence.
More strange, however, was that he was kitted out in a helmet with visor, plus protective clothing.
Says a confused Paul: “He clearly was under the impression that he was a lion tamer, not a lawn tamer.”
Bird-brained idea
ANOTHER tale (or should that be tail?) of the feline population.
Reader Janice Taylor notes that the chairman of Natural England, Tony Juniper, has suggested that all pet cats should wear bells round their necks, to prevent them sneaking up on unsuspecting birds, then bumping them off.
Says Janice: “This is an excellent idea which should be extended into other areas of life.
“With a General Election fast-approaching, canvassing politicians should be forced to wear bells instead of neckties, thus allowing voters to vamoose on their approach.”
Snow room
YET more animal antics.
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village tells us that in a moment of madness he adopted a snow leopard and an elephant.
“It’s all too easy to get carried away with these things,” sighs Ian. “Anyway, I can clear out the garden shed and keep the snow leopard in there. But what am I going to do with the elephant?”
Animal farm
THE Diary is not quite finished with our chums from the animal world…
Reader Adrian Kirkman was describing to his 14-year-old daughter why foxes are often regarded as pests.
“It’s because they sneak into farms and eat the chickens,” he explained.
“Big deal,” retorted Adrian’s daughter, adding: “If the fox doesn’t eat the chicken then a human eats the chicken. I doubt the chicken has a preference.”
Sticky situation
AT last! A Diary tale without an animal.
Reader Joan Harrison says: “I notice that when cleaning clothes, one sock always gets stuck to the washing machine drum. Does this mean it has attachment issues?”
Morning munchies
EARLY-RISING reader Nigel Hamilton tells us about the start of his day.
“I always enjoy a traditional Scottish breakfast,” he proudly boasts.
“One packet of Monster Munch (beef), and four Ferrero Rocher. (Because I’m a sophisticated fella.) Now I’m left with one question. Would Gordon Ramsay approve?”
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