Going blank

THE world of scientific inquiry has come up with some bizarre ideas over the years.

For instance, the Diary is still not entirely sure it’s willing to accept Darwin’s daffy theory that humans evolved from monkeys.

Anyone who has studied the average teenager will grimly conclude that it’s more likely that the reverse is true, and humans are evolving into monkeys.

Ian Noble from Carstairs Village has more bampot boffin news.

“A scientific paper written by a respected physicist offers evidence that the entire universe exists in a super-advanced simulated virtual reality in a giant computer,” he says.

“This being the case, maybe someone should press Control Alt and Delete.”

 

Getting saucy

WE mentioned the delights of curry.

Diary correspondent Ross Brewster has studied the history of food and explains that curry is a Tamil word meaning sauce.

Adds Ross: “So when I’m eating a hamburger with a wee splodge of tomato sauce, I’m technically enjoying a curry.”

 

First among equals

OUR more politically astute readers may have noticed that a certain high-ranking Scottish politician recently quit his job.

For those who don’t bother with such trifling matters, we should explain that his name is Humza Yousaf, and his greatest talent is surely the ability to wear a tartan necktie with aplomb. (Perhaps his next illustrious role will be punting neckties down the Barras.)

Yousaf hasn’t been First Minister of Scotland for long, as many people have pointed out.

"If only every person in Scotland could be afforded the opportunity to be First Minister for just one day,” said Yousaf.

Waggish political commentator James Heale responded on social media: “At the going rate, they will.”

 

Job jibber-jabber

HUMZA would probably agree with reader Edward Reid that the working world is not a happy place. Luckily Edward is now retired… kind of.

“I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today,” he sighs.

 

Walk this way

A TALE of ambling and angst.

The daughter of Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie raised over £800 for charity by taking part in Sunday’s Glasgow Kiltwalk.

Malcolm asked if she enjoyed the event.

“Not really,” she replied, for she was forced to keep pace with a pal, who was determined to complete the course in a fast time. 

Malcolm’s daughter ruefully concluded that it wasn’t so much a Kiltwalk as a half-killed walk.

 

Grammar drama

A SHOCKING story.

Reader Hazel Whittall tells us: “Three of my favourite things are eating dogs and not using commas.”