What’s the story?
Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway.
It’s back?
Indeed. Geordie duo Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly return with a new series – billed as “the happiest 90 minutes of the week” – on STV, tonight, at 7pm.
The happiest 90 minutes of the week? Steady on.
How so?
It’s a bold claim. What about the 90 minutes I spent grouting my tiles.
That’s true.
Anyway, what can we expect?
Celebrity guests, live surprises and outrageous stunts …
READ MORE: Ronni Ancona on the return of Last Tango in Halifax
So far, so blah. Do you know what this show needs?
Enlighten me.
Gunge. Lots of gunge.
Okay …
And Mr Blobby. Pugil sticks. Maybe a party with a happy atmosphere?
Basically, a mash-up of Noel's House Party, Gladiators and The Russ Abbot Show, then.
You got it. We should pitch this.
I don’t think we should. Besides, there’s plenty of high jinks. Ant and Dec will battle aliens and a secret race called The Squittarianuvians.
Meh. Anything else?
They will don prosthetic costumes to become pandas Howai and Wayai at London Zoo, attempting to persuade visiting children to feed them the zookeeper's lunch.
READ MORE: Ronni Ancona on the return of Last Tango in Halifax
And then gunge them?
Let it go.
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