THE thing I miss most on radio during the pandemic is football. I can’t lie. Champions League nights, particularly, but really any commentary preferably not involving the team I support (that’s too stressful, particularly of late in the new Mourinho era of my club of choice).

The distorted roar of the crowd, the thrilling unknowability of what is actually going on, the voice of Conor McNamara; I yearn for them all. And I miss what they represent. The familiarity, the comfort, the normal-ness of football.

Now in this strange new world we are just left with talking about football. I am not so keen on that. Radio Scotland is obsessed with it. Whole days seem to be given over to it. Maybe filling all that airtime helps explains why DUP MP Gregory Campbell was invited onto Sportsound last weekend.

Given that I only ever look to see Stirling Albion’s result on a Saturday I’m not really qualified to give my tuppence worth on Scottish football. I’m more likely to tune into Five Live for the Monday Night Club, where Ian Wright continues his post-Desert Island Discs reincarnation as the Gooner it’s okay to like. Last Monday he pointed out that talking about the return of football – which is all these programmes have to talk about – is meaningless without the invention of a vaccine. Journalist Rory Smith went further. If there is no vaccine, he pointed out, that means “no more football, no more sport.”

Some people might be thrilled, I guess.

In that case all that’s left will be interviews with sportsmen and women from a previous era. Which wouldn’t be the end of the world if they were all like Colin Murray’s chat with snooker player and now synth player (yes, really) Steve Davis on Sunday evening.

David was never as “boring” as his reputation back in the 1980s. This interview just confirmed that. He came across as honest (“I don’t think I’m very good husband material”) and drily witty.

When he completed the first televised 147 clearance, he was given a Lada. “At the time I had a Porsche,” he noted, before adding that the insurance he paid per year for his car was worth more than the Lada.

Look Out For: Chris Hawkins, 6 Music, Wednesday, 6am

Early risers might like to note that Chris Hawkins’ guest on Wednesday morning is none other than Rebus creator Ian Rankin.