MONTY Python star Eric Idle has revealed he once took part in what must be the most daffily diverse music session of all time.

After a Billy Connolly performance at the Hammersmith Odeon, Eric jammed with the Big Yin, along with late Paisley rocker Gerry Rafferty and… Salman Rushdie.

We wonder what Connolly and Rushdie chatted about after the session. Perhaps Sir Billy complained about the hecklers he’s had to deal with in his career, with Rushdie conceding he’s received the occasional minor criticism, too…

Mind the date

A PAL of John Delaney, from Lochwinnoch, was to get an implant fitted by a dentist friend called Brian.

To make sure he didn’t forget, he casually scribbled the appointment on the kitchen calendar.

Later, the chap’s wife glanced at the calendar and was briefly puzzled. She then said to herself: “Not before time.”

It transpired that the chap had accidentally written on the calendar: “Brain implant.”

Laconic lothario

ROMANCE in Scotland is best described as love in a cold climate, and not only because of the temperature of our environment. Oftentimes the locals lack a certain warmth when it comes to the art of amore.

Reader Jan Haynes was once on the last train home from Glasgow to Auchinleck when she overheard what is perhaps the pithiest seduction ever attempted by an earnest fellow.

“Wid ye?” enquired the gallant beau.

”Aye,” replied the demure damsel.

A torrid game of tonsil tennis ensued.

Delayed destination

WE recently revealed that broadcaster Neil Oliver invariably receives his mail, even when the address on the envelope is rather vague. Denis Williams, from Dundee, says many years ago a friend of his mother, who wrote in an illegible scrawl, addressed a birthday card to her sister in Leven, Fife.

It arrived several months later, having come via Viti Levu, Fiji.

Beatling for bread

WE’RE devising advertising jingles, based on famous songs, to promote local businesses when lockdown ends. Bert Peattie, from Kirkcaldy, suggests customers might be persuaded to leave McDonald’s and instead visit a sandwich shop with the help of a classic John Lennon number: "Give piece a chance."

Tarantino-esque trading

OBSERVANT reader David Donaldson has spotted a local firewood company called Reservoir Logs.

“I'm tempted to order some just to see if Mr Pink delivers them,” he says.

Fruity remark

A LANARKSHIRE reader transfixed by the political turmoil in Holyrood recalls a comment made by an after dinner speaker: "All politicians are like bananas,” he said. “They go in green, turn yellow and are bent."