Mind your language
GRAMMAR drama from reader John Mulholland, who admits he often wondered how people who don’t have a decent grasp of irregular verbs reacted when the verb was conjugated correctly.
Luckily he need wonder no more, for the other day a young colleague asked him: “Why do you say ‘I’ve gone’ instead of ‘I’ve went’?”
John considered this for a moment, then replied: “Ah, I know what you mean, but that’s how we spoke in the olden days.”
The young colleague nodded and accepted this explanation.
John tells the Diary: “I must’ve been in a good mood because, on any other day, I would of went mad.”
Hard to swallow
WITH a self-pitying sigh reader Paula Malone says: “I’m not saying I’m unlucky, but if scientists invented a pill to make humans immortal, I’d probably choke on it.”
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Amusing little dish
THE refined palates of our gourmet readers have grown jaded by the more traditional delicacies such as roast swan drizzled in truffle oil, which is surely now so commonplace that it has become the humble repast of the denizens of fast-food outlets. (We haven’t visited recently, though we assume that roast swan is available in nugget form in McDonald’s, while the Greggs sausage roll is accompanied by a sachet of truffle oil.)
Desperate to find something more amusing to indulge their taste buds, our readers have settled upon human flesh, which leads Bob Byiers to recall the classic tale of the two cannibals who were tucking into a clown when one said to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Violent victuals
ON the subject of fine dining: Sam Miller from Johnstone was enjoying a tipple with pals at the pub, and mentioned that as the sunny weather had arrived, he and his wife were discussing the best place to dine al fresco.
One of Sam’s chums, perhaps not the most sophisticated of fellows, looked a tad bamboozled, then said: “Al Fresco? Didn’t he star with Robert De Niro in Goodfellas?”
Work woes
A HEATED debate is taking place regarding the increased possibility that artificial intelligence will soon start replacing the human workforce. Says reader Debbie Perry: “I know I should be worried, but as soon as AI is bright enough to nab my job it should also be smart enough not to want it.”
High finance
“I OFFERED my elderly neighbour ten quid to try out her stair lift,” says reader Ian Maddox. “I think she's going to take me up on it.”
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