Sweet tooth

NOSTALGIA is the most insidious of drugs, as reader John Perry discovered when he bumped into an old school chum, which inevitably led to Proustian peregrinations into the past. (Or in layman’s terms: The two blokes started yakking about the good old days.)

Former romances were recalled, plus youthful dreams and ambitions.

But the conversation reached its thrilling crescendo with a mention of yummy snacks of yore.

“Do you remember the Texan bar?” said John’s chum. “One casual chew and you could lose a molar.”

He shook his head with awe, then added: “What a time it was to be alive.”

A hearty laugh

GLASWEGIANS are known for their morbid sense of humour.

Donna Emberson from Anniesland used to work as a paramedic and was once called to the house of a woman who had suffered a heart attack.

In an attempt to put the woman at her ease, Donna said: “I like your top and trousers.”

“Well, if I don’t make it,” replied the woman, “you can have ‘em.”

Dead reckoning

GRIM giggles, continued.

Retired history teacher Val Crawford recalls being in the common room, complaining about one of her dreadful pupils who was impossible to control.

Perhaps a tad hyperbolically, Val said: “He really is a tearaway. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up a serial killer.”

Another teacher in the room scoffed at such an outrageous suggestion.

“Serial killer?” snorted this fellow educator. “I hardly think so. He’s bone idle, that one. I doubt he could drag himself out of bed to kill even once.”

Musical mapping

A PHILOSOPHICAL, geographical thought from reader Paul McTeague, who says: “All national anthems are technically country music.”

Price is(n’t) right

BROWSING in a Sauchiehall Street newsagent, Michael Gardener took a magazine to the counter where another customer glanced at the price of the publication.

“Is that whit a magazine costs?” said this outraged fellow. “Lucky I cannae read.”

Reversal of fortune

WE’RE discussing the release of the Barbie and Oppenheimer movies, which has led to the unprecedented Barbenheimer phenomenon, where film fans watch both summer blockbusters, back to back.

Reader Peter Clancy says: “Instead of Barbenheimer, what about Openbarbie? That should be the preferred order to enjoy the films.

“Start with a devastating explosion which blooms into a pretty pink paradise. Much more cheerful and optimistic.”

Vanishing act

QUESTION of the day from reader Albret Harrell, who asks: “What do you call a magician who has lost all his magic?”

The answer is… Ian.