Gloves are off

A TWILIGHT Zone tale from reader David Donaldson, who tells us about Nancy, a friend of his wife, and a strange episode from her teenage years.

She was returning home by bus after a dance in Whitecraigs, and happened to be sitting beside a dozing drunk.

When the bus lurched round a sharp corner, one of her white gloves fell onto the drunk's lap.

The jolt startled him awake and he glanced down at the glove and hastily stuffed it into his trousers, as he had forgotten to do up his zip.

Nancy never got her glove back, and the Diary is left wondering what the inebriated fellow thought he was stuffing in his trousers.

A stray part of his shirt? Excess Y-Front material?

Or perhaps his greatest ambition in life was to own a solitary white glove, and he assumed this one was a gift from the heavens, and that his crotch was the safest place to store it…


Pizza the action

WE mentioned that there has been a fair bit of championship cycling in Glasgow city centre, which is delighting the many spectators who have arrived from around the world to cheer on the racers.

Local chap Larry Stephens admits he isn’t especially impressed, and says: “I’ve seen Deliveroo cyclists sprinting down Sauchiehall Street just as fast, while carrying a pile of pizzas.

“I’ve not spotted the professional racers with even a single pizza box. They should be ashamed of themselves.”


Obvious choice

CONFUSED reader Tony MacDonald gets in touch to say: “Have you noticed that when asked, ‘What single item would you take with you to a desert island?’ nobody ever says, ‘A boat’.”


Face facts

VISITING a bar in Glasgow’s south side, reader Shelia Murphy overheard two ladies gossiping about a mutual friend, with one of them giggling: “She’s had so much surgery done that when she picks her nose it’s from a catalogue.”


Oriental reflections

THERE used to be a popular Chinese restaurant in Glasgow called the Kam Wah, recalls Bob Jamieson.

The building in which it was housed had massive panes of glass, so the owners put the name of the restaurant on show, with one letter in each pane.

From outside it read KAM WAH, but on the inside the letters were reversed.

As such, the restaurant was known to locals as the much more Glaswegian… HAW MAK.


Weather warning

GOOD advice from reader Anna Patton, who tells us: “You can smoke in the rain but don’t in hail.”