More biking badinage

THE ever-observant Diary recently noticed large numbers of people in skin-tight Spandex whizzing round Glasgow on bicycles.

Our intrepid reporters are a canny bunch, who immediately concluded that there must be some sort of Spandex fashion show in town.

Our readers are not convinced. They claim it is, in fact, an international cycling competition, and that the wearing of Spandex is entirely optional.

(Though for some reason none of the athletes seems to be wearing corduroy trousers or duffel coats.)

Reader Bill Cassidy found himself watching the athletes on Byres Road, and reports long periods of inactivity.

“Perhaps,” posits Bill, “this is because the participants came in cycles.”



AUTHOR Hugh Dougherty has published a non-fiction book with the intriguing title The Bus Services of the County Donegal Railways.

One tale in the volume involves Glaswegians returning from holidays in Donegal.

"The Clancy Brothers played Glasgow in the early 60s," says Hugh. "Which made the sweaters worn by the musicians very popular, and you could get hand-knitted versions at a good price in Donegal.”

The problem was that Northern Ireland Customs charged duty on them. To avoid this indignity, returning holidaymakers wore several jumpers under their outer clothes, meaning they were suspiciously bulky, and perspiring profusely, as Strabane hove into view.

“No wonder the woollies were called sweaters," says Hugh.


Fashion faux pas

VISITING Halifax, Bob Jamieson found himself in a supermarket queue.

Behind him was a swaggering teenager in a designer T-shirt, with the brand name emblazoned across the front.

“I warned him not to wear that shirt if he visited Glasgow,” says Bob.

“But it’s designer,” boasted the youth.

Clearly there was no telling the preening popinjay, even though the brand name on the shirt front proudly declared… HACKETT.


Driven to distraction

BEARSDEN reader Grant MacKenzie was once driving with his young son in the back of the car.

Approaching a roundabout, the little lad enquired which direction Grant intended to go.

“Straight through the roundabout,” stated Grant confidently.

“Maybe going AROUND the roundabout would be safer, dad?” urged the lad, with more than a hint of alarm in his voice.


Fighting talk

NERVOUS reader James Ross is concerned by reports of killer whales assaulting sailing boats off the coast of Spain and Portugal.

Noting that the violent incidents are concentrated in one area, he says: “Does this mean the attacks are being orcastrated?”


Blockheaded words

CONFUSED reader Stephen Harrison says: “Why do Americans call tower blocks ‘apartments’ when they are all stuck together?”