Naked ambition

A DIARY tale about items of clothing going rogue reminds Gordon Fisher from Stewarton of being interviewed for head of department in a prestigious Glasgow school. 

“It was a hot summer day,” recalls Gordon, “and I was confident I’d be a strong candidate, especially as I’d bought a black power suit and shiny black briefcase for the occasion.”

Gordon was shown into the headmaster’s office, who was with his fellow panel members, two female teachers.

“As I shook hands with the panel I noticed they visibly shrunk back,” says Gordon. “Sitting down, I realised they were staring at me with a curious mixture of pity, disgust and amusement. All my preparations were in vain as I was painfully aware of the atmosphere, and clammed.”

After the interview Gordon left the office, sighed, and bent over to place his briefcase on the ground. “Imagine my horrified surprise,” he says, “when I saw that my zip was down. It definitely wasn’t my best idea to go commando in summer.”


Food for thought

CONFUSED reader Roberta Niven says: “As a child I was rightly warned not to take sweeties from strangers. Yet as a responsible adult, when a website asks me to accept cookies, I agree every time.”


Go west

WE mentioned that Californians are obsessed with pickleball, a tennis-like game involving a ball, though, disappointingly, no pickle.

We now discover, courtesy of reader Eric Flack, that you don’t have to jet to America’s west coast, for it’s played regularly at Drumchapel Tennis Club, where Eric is a member.

The Diary is delighted that Glasgow is sharing the favourite pastime of Californians.

Now we politely demand that they also send us their weather, golden beaches and Hollywood superstars.


Anger management

KINDLY Donna Jones visited her elderly mother in an old age home. The usually gentle, white-haired lady immediately started complaining about her chums in the home.

Donna said she was surprised to find a woman of such mature years being so grouchy.

Which led mum to defiantly reply: “You’re never too old to hate.”


Pane-ful admission

ON a Glasgow bus reader Lisa Barr heard two young women complaining about a work colleague who wasn’t present.

“She looked right through me, like I wiz a pane o’ glass,” grumped one.

“I know,” commiserated her friend. “And no’ even double-glazin’.”


Hard question

“I WENT to a pub quiz,” says reader Raymond Potter. “I could tell it was a rough place when the first question was: ‘Whit you lookin’ at?’”