Top lie

THE Diary is discussing the curiosities of clothing. Chris Bowen from Cumbernauld was once watching a movie set in Victorian times with his nine-year-old son, who at one point asked why men of that era mostly wore top hats.

Chris gave the little chap a valuable historical lesson when he explained that top hats were popular because benches had not yet been invented, so chaps would sit on their tall hats when they wanted to take a break from strolling in the park.

“I still haven’t come clean that I was fibbing,” admits Chris. “I probably should say something before he reaches university age.”


On yer bike

PARK life continued. Reader Danny Bennington was walking his dog in Rouken Glen Park when he spied a boisterous group of twentysomethings playing with a frisbee.

At one point a young boy on a bicycle, about 12 years old, cheekily shouted at the frisbee gang: “Why don’t you play a real sport?”

One of the frisbee flingers instantly fired back: “Why don’t you ride a real bike? Ever heard of a Harley-Davidson, wee man?”


Dental delay

DRIVING through Glasgow on the M8, Gordon McRae unfortunately had to deal with the lane closures and restrictions around the St George's Cross area of town.

“Given that these appear to have been in existence for years,” says Gordon, “it led me to wonder if it was a private dental practice that had been contracted to carry out all of the bridge work.”



A DIARY mention of school reminds Alan Duffy of teaching maths in a Glasgow comprehensive.

Exasperated with one student, he started yelling at the lad, who curtly responded: “You dinnae need to shout, sir. You’ve a’ready got the most emotional eyebrows I’ve ever seen.”


Ring of truth

DICTIONARY corner. A new description of an old word from Pauline Munro, who comes up with the following definition: “Keyring - An ingenious device which allows you to lose all your keys at the same time.”


Down by law

IN America former President Donald Trump is attracting criminal prosecutions like a Scottish sunbather attracts midges.

Concerned reader David Bray says the mounting court cases could be so expensive that even a wealthy chap like The Donald will resort to legal financial assistance.

“In other words,” says David, “he’ll have to apply for Orange Aid.”


Raspy root vegetable

A QUIRKY question from reader Gary Thornton, who gets in touch to ask: “What is small, red and whispers?”

The answer, of course, is a hoarse radish.