Flatmate’s a nag

WE mentioned a tipsy woman in a Glasgow pub who admitted that she yearned to own a pet cow, even though she lived in a tenement flat.

It reminded Richard Davis, based in Vienna, of a story his uncle told him 50 years ago.

Richard’s uncle was a telephone engineer, and a chap in the East End of Glasgow requested that he come and fix his line.

This fellow happened to be a rag and bone man, and he kept his horse in the bedroom of his 1st floor flat.

The Diary is not surprised by this story. After all, many white-collar professionals now work remotely, and keep their work laptops at home. So this rag and bone man (and his four-legged flatmate) were just ahead of the curve.


Big in politics

THE other day reader Jennifer Goodwin took her 11-year-old son to visit his grandmother. The youngster explained to gran that he’d learned in school that in prehistoric times giant millipedes roamed the landscape that one day would become Glasgow.

Gran, who is very hard of hearing, said: “Oh, I don’t think he’s particularly huge. And as far as I know he never lived in Glasgow.”

The elderly lady thought her grandson was discussing former Labour leader Ed Miliband.


Cutting comment

THE Diary is always happy to help those starting out on a literary career, though we don’t know what advice to give reader Kate Abbott, who says: “I’m trying to get a job as an editor. But nobody seems to be impressed by my 85-page CV…”


Monday, Monday munching

OUR cultured readers enjoy both delicious cuisine and toe-tapping tunes. So we’re rustling up tasty snacks which are seasoned with well-known musical acts.

Bob Jamieson suggests the perfect nosh to nibble for fans of trippy-hippy 1960s music would be The Mamas & the Tapas.


Bottled boy band

THIRSTY reader Bill Smillie was browsing in the booze aisle of his local supermarket when he came across a tipple going by the name of Gary Barlow Organic Rosé. 

Says Bill: “My immediate thought was, I’ll take that."


Dead reckoning

TOPICALLY minded reader Matt Cook heard on the news that a new study has discovered that being too happy can cause you to have a heart attack.

Says Matt: “That probably explains why married men tend to live longer than single ones.”


Animalistic amour

ROMANCE, Diary style. “I went out with a zookeeper once,” says Stevie Campbell from Hamilton. “She asked me to become encaged.”