Deadly dull Dan

A FEW years ago reader Barbara Walker started work in a Glasgow accountancy office. Being the new girl, she was shown around by one of her colleagues, a woman named Paula who had been with the firm for several years.

Paula - who had a rather sharp tongue on her - said at one point: “Try and avoid getting in a long conversation with Dan in HR.”

“Why?” enquired Barbara.

“Dullest person you’ll ever meet,” snipped Paula, who added with a wicked cackle: “He’s as boring as a yoga instructor’s packed lunch.”


Getting the bird

MAKING it big, Glasgow-style. The other day Glasgow writer Deedee Cuddihy was strolling past George Square when she noticed a couple looking at the statues, and overheard the man say to the woman: "You know you've made it when you've got seagull keech all over you."


Cleansing the mind

A FEW weeks ago reader Chris Robertson was invited to a dinner party at the house of a friend who has a reputation for being a bit of a practical joker.

At one point Chris found himself in the bathroom. While washing his hands at the sink he noticed a hand-written sign which read "Think."

Chris thought this was an inspiring suggestion. His host was clearly encouraging a moment’s contemplation in the quiet sanctity of the bathroom.

Such thoughts rapidly vanished when Chris noticed another written sign next to the bar of soap, which read "Thoap."


Selfish spiker

WE mentioned that this year’s winner of the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Festival was a cringe-inducing one-liner of questionable quality.

Comedy fan Rhona Lewis gets in touch to remind us that in the past there have been more worthy recipients of this gong for giggle-merchants.

Her personal favourite is a gag from Dan Antopolski, from way back in 2009: “Hedgehogs! Why can’t they just share the hedge?”


Food for thought

STUNNED reader Joe Knox gets in touch to tell us that while on holiday in the Highlands he was charged £8 for a venison sandwich.   

Says Joe: “Do you think this was deer?”


Lunchtime with Layla

OUR correspondents are fusing famous music acts with yummy food. Legendary comedian Andy Cameron suggests a very tasty combo… Derek and the Domino’s Pizza.


Murky mapping

A FOND recollection of halcyon school days from reader Paul Fenn, who gets in touch to tells us: “I had a really fantastic geography teacher. I wouldn’t have swapped him for all the tea in Denmark.”