Talking mince

THE Diary is discussing fine dining, which reminds Ian Noble from Carstairs Village of a flight he was on from Heathrow to Glasgow.

“This was back in the days when meals were served on the shuttle,” says Ian, “and the stewardesses were giving out that evening’s delicacy.”

Adds Ian: “I seem to recall that they were serving lasagne, though I’m not sure if lasagne had been discovered back then, so it might have been mince.”

Ian was in the window seat, another chap was next to him, and a third fellow, in the aisle seat, was fast asleep.

As a stewardess leaned in to hand Ian his meal the plane started shaking with turbulence, and the food landed on the snoozing passenger’s lap.

He instantly woke up, and the chap in the middle aisle demonstrated his commendably quick thinking by saying to him: “You must be glad to get that up.”


Striking distance

A DIARY yarn about sports commentators reminds reader Robert Menzies of the occasion when a young Dougie Donnelly was covering a match at Love Street and broadcast the curious line: "St. Mirren came out after half-time still leading one nil."

(This lack of half-time progress was understandable. Even the most talented striker would struggle to score a hat-trick whilst nibbling on an orange in the changing room.)


Hard to swallow

A WORRYING thought from reader Donna Madden, who says: “If scientists ever prove that plants have feelings, vegans are going to be in a tough spot.”


Memphis munching

THE Diary is challenging readers to creatively combine scrummy foods with legendary music acts. James Gracie suggests a herb which would be fit for a King… Elvis Parsley.


Birdbrained birds

PRIMARY teacher Rhona Tudor once took her little charges for a nature ramble in Rouken Glen Park. At one point she spotted a tree with a bird’s nest in the branches.

“Aren’t birds so clever!” she said to the pupils.

“Big deal,” shrugged one little boy. “Bet they couldnae build a motorway, no matter how many twigs you gave ‘em.”



A RATHER concerning video is circulated on social media which shows a person riding an electric scooter through the Clyde Tunnel.

Says reader Gordon Booth: “I suppose it could be worse. At least the bloke left his pogo stick at home.”


Medical drama

“MY uncle used to say the secret of good theatre is to always leave them wanting more,” says reader Matt Brown. “Lovely bloke, though he was a terrible anaesthetist.”