Harping on

TRAVELLING Diary correspondent John Mulholland found himself in London where he spied a trendy boozer named Tequila Mockingbird.

Later that evening he was ordering drinks at his hotel bar and asked the barman to recommend local hang-outs.

“You could try Tequila Mockingbird,” said the helpful chap .

“Ah yes, ” grinned John, “that’s probably one of the best word-plays I’ve seen in a long time.”

The barman looked bemused, then said: “No, you won’t have seen a play there, mate. It’s not a theatre. It’s a cocktail bar.”

John nodded, paid for his drinks, and thought it wise not to mention the name Harper Lee…


Backlog blues

THE mother of reader Mia Nichols was booked in for a hospital check-up. At the last minute the date was changed by a few days due to problems dealing with a backlog of patients.

Mia’s mum explained the situation to her daughter. “My appointment’s been cancelled,” she said.

Then, with a look of canny enlightenment, she added: “I’ve always wondered what people meant by cancel culture - is this it?”


On the pull

THE other day reader Robert Ingram visited his local gym. It was his first exercise in many years, he admits.

When he returned home his wife enquired how it went.

“Think I’ve pulled a muscle,” groaned our reader in agony.

His not especially sympathetic wife replied: “At least you discovered you have a muscle. That’s quite the revelation.”


The shirking man

INDUSTRIOUS reader Norman Graham says: “I spent six hours in the office yesterday wondering how to plan and prioritise my time better.”


The cruellest cut  

FASHION corner. Observant reader Mick Nelson was strolling in Glasgow city centre and noticed a sinister phenomenon.

The return of the mullet.

For those who are too young to recall this hideous abomination, or have mercifully blanked it from their memories, it’s the haircut that was once sported by hefty cricketing boor, Ian Botham, plus a host of football players. (This was in the pre-Beckham era, when footy players were not known for their deft sense of style. More daft than deft, in fact.)

Mick is fatalistic about the mullet’s resurrection, and says: “I suppose if Dracula can rise from the grave, so can other gruesome monsters.”


Feeling fruity

WE continue combining food with rock bands. Robert Menzies believes Strawberry Blondie would be particularly delicious.


Pathway pilferer

“I WAS taking the road out of the city the other day,” says reader Pete Evans, “but someone told me to put it back.”