On Shaky ground

WE mentioned a boozer with the clever name Tequila Mockingbird. Reader Bob Jamieson tells us that there was a competition at his local golf club with a prize named The Mike Ingham Trophy.

Chatting to the club secretary, Bob suggested it sounded very Shakespearian.

He further explained: “A horse! A horse! Mike Ingham for a horse!”

A distraught Bob tells the Diary: “All I received in return was a blank expression. In future I’ll stick with knock-knock jokes.”


Half-baked query

ECONOMICALLY-MINDED reader John Cochrane says: “If you sold profiteroles at a loss, would they still be PROFITeroles?”


Float your boat

WE mentioned that one of the CalMac ferries being built at Ferguson shipyard is to be named Glen Rosa.

“Rosa happens to be an anagram of oars,” points out reader David Donaldson, “which is a very green method of propulsion. And handy when all else fails, as it so often does with CalMac.”


Grammar drama

THE other day reader Frank Brown was sitting opposite a chap on the train who was wearing a T-Shirt that read "I am silently correcting your grammar".

Frank tells us he was sorely tempted to lean over and whisper to the fellow: “Shouldn’t there be an apostrophe in the word ‘your’ on your shirt?”

Adds Frank: “Then I’d have sat back calmly and watched his head explode.”


Booky boasting

WE mentioned a Glasgow lady who likes to sit in a café by herself and quietly read a novel.

Anna Cooper tells us that when she was a student at Glasgow University her flatmate, who was studying French, would on occasion read a book in a café. Though only if the book happened to be from her course, otherwise she preferred to read in her room.

Explaining this curious habit, she once said: “If I’m reading a Jackie Collins, I’m quite content to do that in private. But if I’m reading Balzac, I want the world to know about it.”


Scot… or not?

THE quest for Scottish independence has enjoyed many ups and downs, though the movement’s future may be in trouble, reveals reader Adam Roberts.

He was strolling in Glasgow with his 14-year-old daughter when they spotted a graffiti image, clearly inspired by a famous movie, of Mel Gibson in full Highland regalia.

Adam’s daughter, pointing to the picture, said: “Oh, I know him! Isn’t that Conan the Barbarian?” 


 Cheeky beggar

“PEOPLE claim you have to work hard for an income,” says reader Chris Mitchell. “I beg to differ.”