Initially apprehensive

THE travails of a teacher. Years ago Brian Logan from Langside was studying teaching at Jordanhill College of Education.

Prior to his first meeting with (ugh!) real live pupils, at Eastbank Academy, his parents bought him a spiffy briefcase with his initials BJL embossed on the front in gold.

At the end of his first day he got on the number 30 bus home, and had barely sat down when some pupils also hopped on.

Spotting Brian’s briefcase, one wag, quick as a flash, said: “There’s that new teacher - BJL - Big Jobbie Lad.”

On further bus trips, the cunning trainee teacher made sure his initials were hidden from view.


Wet woes

THE recent heavy rain reminds Gordon Smith from Paisley of the following ditty: 

The rain falls upon the just, and on the unjust fella.

But mainly on the just, because the unjust has the just’s umbrella.


Visionary experience

THE other day reader Willie Mould was driving on a motorway down south and noticed an overhead notice stating: "Please ensure your eyesight is safe for driving."

Willie wondered who the message was aimed at.

“If you can see it, it’s pointless,” he notes, “and it’s pointless if you can’t.”


Cheesy chat

WE mentioned that the surname Zola is confusing, for it signifies both a famous author and footballer. Reader Darren Crawford adds to the ditzy discombobulation by saying: “I always thought it was the name of a hideous Italian cheese that you can’t look upon directly, or you turn to stone. You know… Gorgon-Zola.”


Height of stupidity

KINDLY Angus Barclay decided to do a parachute jump to raise money for charity.

It was his first time leaping out of an aeroplane, and his instructor noticed that Angus was more than a tad trepidatious.

To calm his pupil’s jittery nerves, the instructor said: “If your parachute doesn’t open when you jump, just remember, no matter how high you are when you start plummeting to earth, it’s only the last centimetre that hurts.”


Ginger… or red?

WHILE studying English at Glasgow University, reader Kim Mitchell lived in the west end, and shared a flat with a fellow student who happened to be a committed communist.

And just how passionate was this young scholar regarding far-left politics?

“Well,” explains Kim, “she did have a pet ginger cat whose name was Chairman Miaow...”


Anger management

COMMENDABLY conciliatory reader Beverley Mackinnon says: “My husband and I decided to never go to sleep on an argument. We’ve been awake since Friday.”