Say what?

WE’RE analysing fanciful phraseology.

A bamboozled Uplawmoor reader wonders why people introduce a topic of conversation by announcing, "It goes without saying…" then they promptly follow up by going ahead and saying it.

The Clash

THE other day Ian Noble from Carstairs Village found himself in that popular furniture emporium, DFS, when he was approached by a sales person who enquired if he could be of assistance.

Ian replied in the affirmative, then cheekily added: “Tell you what. I’ll sit here on this chair and you can walk round the store and view the furniture.”

(We’re sure Ian enjoyed a welcome nap on one of the comfy sofas, while the sales assistant dutifully trudged round the store, doing his bidding. Though the Diary is reluctant to recommend this method of furniture shopping. For the sales assistant will undoubtedly max out your credit card, and when the furniture arrives at your house, the leopard-skin chaise longue with luminous pink tassels will inevitably clash with the living room wallpaper.)

Call me Dave

OUR resourceful readers are improving the names of notable people by providing them with hound-like monikers.

A.J. Clarence suggests a pop star pooch who was in his pomp in the glitter-sprinkled 1970s.

We mean, of course, the singer behind the Diamond Dogs album… David Bow-wow-ie.

Dynamic dozing

DIARY reader David Donaldson is one of our friskiest correspondents.

He’s so darned dynamic that he often jets around the world – and he doesn’t even bother going by aeroplane.

But even a member of the jittery jet-set can become jaded, concedes David, who admits: “Sometimes, when I'm watching TV, just before bedtime, I have a little snooze. It's like a snors d'oeuvre.”

The young ones

FOOTY fan Gavin Weir from Ochiltree notes that the BBC website claimed that Scotland footballer Lewis Ferguson (age 24) left Aberdeen for Bologna in 2002.

“Child prodigies must be getting younger,” says an impressed Gavin. “Lionel Messi was an ancient 13 years old when he joined Barcelona.”

Off his trolley?

A SPORTING tale in the Diary reminds Eric MacDonald of a friend who arrived at the golf course in a new car. Eric noticed that the chap took his clubs out the vehicle, but left his golf trolley in the car boot. He then paid £10 to hire a trolley.

Eric demanded to know why.

The chap explained that he didn’t want to get the boot dirty in his new car…

Get the legendary Herald Diary straight to your inbox.

Super-slick solicitors

“WHAT do lawyers wear to work?” asks reader Jenny Davidson. “Law suits.”