Just the job?

A DIARY correspondent searching for an exciting new career believes he has found the very thing.

Perusing a recruitment website, he stumbled upon an advert for an "Out-Law Journalist" based in Glasgow city centre.

“I’ve never heard that term before,” admits our correspondent. “I assume it refers to the sort of reporter who digs a tunnel into a rock star’s house, in order to bag an exclusive quote. Or perhaps it’s a cunning hack who supplements his salary by holding up a high street bank.”

The Diary has been doing some investigating of our own (which didn’t involve digging tunnels, we hasten to add, in case the local constabulary are reading this article).

Alas, the requirements for the out-law journalist role appear to involve the usual tedious yada-yada-yada, such as "experience working in a fast-paced environment" and a "meticulous eye for detail and accuracy".


We further discover that "Out-Law" turns out to be a legal information service, provided by a reputable law firm with Glasgow offices.

Double yawn, with a snore on top.

Snoozy Stan’

WE’RE celebrating nifty nicknames.

Reader Rab Neilson says: “I was working on a ship, and one of the usual nae-users was known as Stanchion, because he just stood about, holding things up.”

Poetry exercise

Tonight is Halloween, an occasion for Scots to swap their everyday ridiculous clothing items for slightly more exotic - though equally ridiculous - clothing items.

This reminds reader Ken Masters of the time his lazy teenage son went to a Halloween party wearing a tracksuit.

“I thought it was fancy dress?” said Ken.

“It is,” said his son. “I’m going as Robert Burns.”

“But Robert Burns didn’t wear a tracksuit,” said Ken.

“I bet he did,” said Ken’s son, “when he went to the gym.”

A like-ly story

WE mentioned an optimistic lady who was spotted carrying a bag with the message emblazoned across its front: ‘Everybody should like everybody’.

Says reader Sue Andrews: “I heartily concur with this sentiment, with one caveat. Everybody should like everybody, apart from people carrying bags with the message ‘Everybody should like everybody’.”

Get the legendary Herald Diary in your inbox every morning.

Mind your language

WE continue examining curios of the English lingo.

“I like the phrase ‘your neck of the woods’,” says reader Carol Roberts.

“Though it does leave me wondering. Do the woods also have shoulders and arms?”

Shine on

AN (almost) heartwarming story from reader Peter Johnson, who says: “My kids really brighten up the place. I’m going to show them the electricity bill later today…”