“They did the same in Aberystwyth, but last year Sue Jones-Davies was elected as mayor of Aberystwyth, and she actually appeared naked in the film. I think she was in the script as ‘Welsh tart’,” said Michael.

“So she got the ban overturned.”



Rasher move

MICHAEL, speaking as part of the concert hall’s author talks, said an embarrassing moment was filming Alan Bennett’s film A Private Function when they hired a beautiful 1936 Wolseley car in which Palin’s character had to transport a pig.

Unfortunately, the pig got frightened and noisily defecated all over the interior. The impassive Yorkshire owner of the car turned to Palin and announced: “Ah’d ’ave written that scene better. Ah’d ’ave written it without the pig.”

And pointing to Alan Bennett, who was nervously chewing his tie, the Yorkshire man added: “He’s no Ibsen, is he?”



Hot stuff

OUR mention of Mr and Mrs quiz shows reminds Jim Love in Santa Cruz, California, of attending one such quiz night where a wife had to describe items to her blind-folded husband.

Says Jim: “She drew a hot-water bottle out of the box and uproar ensued when she described it as, ‘Something rubber. We use it in bed’.”



Sound advice

AND tales of in-flight announcements remind Frank Wallace in Houston, Texas, of the Southwest Airlines steward who, when giving the safety briefing, announced: “In the event of an emergency, if you are travelling with a child, or someone who starts acting like a child, remember to put your own mask on first.”



Home truths

T-SHIRTS, continued. Alan Mitchell tells us: “One I bought in the US has a photograph of Apaches cradling rifles. Above the photograph it says, ‘Department of Homeland Security’. Below, it says ‘Fighting terror since 1607’.”



In the running

CORONATION Street fans are about to see philandering Kevin Webster tell his partner he is going to Glasgow to run a 10k, so he can have a dirty weekend with fellow fictional character Molly Dobbs. His daughter, Sophie, confronts him and asks if he has anything to tell them as she has discovered it is the Glasgay! 10k, as part of the Glasgay! festival. A spokesman for Glasgay!, delighted they get a mention, tells us: “That moustache Kevin used to sport -- is it finally going to give him away? Well, we’ve all wondered, haven’t we?”



Warsaw pact?

A SECOND World War veteran contacts us to ask: “Did anyone else’s heart skip a beat when they read that Germany had gone to the polls?”



Feeling blue

THE OLD Firm game this weekend reminds us that Celtic and Rangers fans can display a certain animosity towards each other. Secretary of State for Scotland Jim Murphy, for example, is a Celtic fan. Last season, though, he played at Ibrox in a charity game wearing a Rangers strip.

At Celtic’s next home game, he had just sat down when a chap three rows back shouted: “Murphy! Wearing a Rangers strip at Ibrox? That’s unacceptable. How could you no’ just stick to fiddling expenses like the rest of them?”


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