There is a long running joke about the Scots that we will deep fry just about anything.

We might have rivers full of wild salmon, the best venison in the world and fields of juicy, wild berries, but it's always our grease-covered, battered and salted snacks that make national headlines.

Our fat-rich culinary heritage is a bone of contention; though the food is inimitably delicious - no other country could cover a chocolate bar in batter with such guiltless zeal, not sparing one single calorie - the widespread panic of obesity and long-term health problems have seeped into the public consciousness over the years.

Regardless, we've came up with a list of heart-stopping snacks and indulgent dishes that were created in Scotland and, for the most part, have never really caught on elsewhere. Our fatty foods may not always be a source of pride, but they are undeniably a guilty pleasure.





Widely known as our national dish, this meat monstrosity contains sheep's heart, liver and lungs mixed with suet, onion, spices and salt and sometimes wrapped in the sheep's stomach. Nowadays, it's more likely to come in plastic, which seems slightly less barbaric. The past-time of hunting and shooting the haggis that run about the hills in the Highlands is probably one of Scotland's oldest gags. You think that everyone has heard it until you meet a bunch of first-time tourists, and the joke gets a new lease of life once more.


...Which we make into pakora



Pakora is a spicy South Asian street food, with either chicken, fish, vegetables or meat fried in gram flour batter. Scotland can't obviously lay claim to these exotic, greasy nuggets of goodness, but they get a special mention because we gave them a Scottish twist - using haggis and black pudding to give it our own twist. Even though we did not invent pakora, it is one of our favourite late-night snacks, which are almost unheard of in their current form in London.


Chicken Tikka Masala



Though India is undisputedly the home of the curry, the Tikka Masala is said to be a creation of Scotland. The story goes that a chef at Glasgow's Shish Mahal came up with the Tikka Masala after a customer complained that his Chicken Tikka, marinated in yoghurt and spices and cooked in the oven, was far too dry. The chef whipped up a sauce with Campbells tomato soup, coconut cream, spice and yoghurt for the disgruntled diner and was then congratulated on his recipe. Thus, the new Chicken Tikka Masala was born.


Macaroni pie


You can buy these in packets or you can get them at Gregg's, but macaroni pies are a testament to the saying that you can have too much of a good thing - carbs in a carb sauce, wrapped in carbs. This is cheesy pasta baked in a pie crust - and it's often badly heated. With its stodge and lack of flavour, it can taste rather dry because of the pastry - worse still, knowing that people actually like having a 'roll and pie.'


Square sausage



Also referred to as 'slice' or Lorne sausage, this is minced pork and beef mixed with rusk and spices - a mainstay of Scottish breakfasts and perfect for sitting in a roll without falling out and getting sauce everywhere. Many Scots living in London beg their families to send care packages which include packets of this, black pudding and potato scones, which are less available south of the border.


The Munchy Box



An assortment of fast foods encased in a humble pizza box, including kebab meat, fried chicken, pizza, chicken tikka, onion rings, pakora, naan bread, chips and a bit of salad which no one eats. Researchers say this health hazard of a feast can notch up a whopping 3000 calories.


Deep-fried Mars Bars



Incase this needs explaining; this is a Mars Bar, deep-fried in batter. One of these high sugar, high fat snacks can apparently slow the blood flow to the brain within minutes, which could potentially trigger a stroke. When news of the deep-fried Mars Bar reached the media, the company issued a statement saying: "deep-frying one of our products would go against our commitment to promoting healthy, active lifestyles." When a multi-million pound confectionery manufacturer distances itself from this bastardised snack, saying it's unhealthy, it should probably be avoided at all costs.


... We've probably tried to deep-fry everything at least once



Lets face it, the deep-fried Mars Bar thing is a bit of a tired cliche these days. To mix things up throughout the year, the Scots deep-fry Creme Eggs at Easter, Yule Logs at Christmas ... and if butter doesn't clog your arteries as much as you'd like it to, The Fiddler's Elbow in Edinburgh freeze balls of that, deep-fry it in Irn Bru batter, and serve it up with Irn Bru ice cream and coullis. What a way to go..