It may be coincidence but as I walk in, Bachman Turner Overdrive are giving it B-B-Baby, you just ain’t seen nothing yet. Boom, boom blasts the sound system as I stare up at a menu that I have been earnestly promised will pretty much confirm that very sentiment.
Mmm, hmmm. If you were thinking that the last dill pickle spear had long ago been driven through the heart of the very last burger bar in boomtown then you’ll be wondering just what’s going on here.
Er more burgers, is the answer. Though done properly or at least that’s what my old mate The Jackal said when we chatted momentarily on the phone about this place the other day. Aged beef, hand knitted button mushrooms, buns made in the basement garrets of impoverished artisans, something like that anyway.
Not that Mr Jackal didn’t fess straight up and admit he was doing public relations for this place. Which has apparently something to do with the rather good Gannet restaurant just up the road. And not that I didn’t say, as I always do, that IMHO if a restaurant thinks it needs a public relations person well frankly…it would be much wiser simply paying the chef more. Or perhaps even getting a better one. Ho, ho, ho. How he disagreed on that.
Anyway, I’m on the Finnieston Strip. Between PC World and that shop where they fix your broken iPhone screen. Kansas have now taken over the entertainment with Carry On My Wayward Son…for there’ll be peace when you are done. And I’ve stopped thinking the music is subliminal messaging and started thinking it’s possibly a CD of Jeremy Clarkson’s favourite hits.
Nonetheless, I do like the way the friendly guy behind the counter says “yeah man,” when taking orders. I like too the way the decor is clean, plain and has no more than a bench table running across two walls.
I don’t much like the menu though, but that’s because it’s a little bit like a Jeremy Clarkson’s greatest hits of trendy burger accessories: bone marrow; roquefort butter; caramelised onions; black truffle mayo. Not only did they all feature on burger menus during the heady days of the great burger boom - but in here they’re all on the same bloody burger.
Crikey. It’s called the Top Dog, somewhat confusingly. I order one anyway. I order Korean Gochujang wings too and a Deep Fried Tofu burger with well…we have a bit of a debate about this. I do change my mind twice, and I do get the impression the guy behind the counter isn’t too keen for me to have the blue cheese dressing burger, and we may have completely confused each other.
Anyway, whatever I end up with it doesn’t taste of blue cheese though I’ve got to say fried tofu makes for a pretty good burger. Oh yes. Togarashi Fries. A Japanese Chilli blend with orange peel if you’re wondering.
The fries are clean, crisp, square-jawed and even quite handsome. Maybe a bit of salt would have jump started that spice blend into life. The chicken wings, rather poshly called confit wings in here, are coated in Korean red pepper paste Gochujang and are pretty accomplished - leaving only that burger to consider.
I’ll say this: it’s not towered. Or held together with a toothpick. Thank goodness. It does have so much of that black truffle mayo that it slithers apart and sends me scurrying for more napkins and wipes.
The bun isn’t brioche as I may have been promised, but is a decent fresh and good quality sesame burger job. It may even have been crafted by artisans.
The flavours? A savoury rush, salty, then a flash of meatiness. Sliding the toppings off and tasting the burger itself reveals it’s caramelised and quite good quality. Though where the meat is from the menu coyly doesn’t disclose.
I realise too late they also do a plain burger with cheese and pickle in here. Frankly? I should have had that.
El Perro Negro
996 Argyle Street
Tel: No phone number listed.
Opening: til midnight
Menu: Supposedly the poshest burger in burgerland but then everyone claims that, Korean wings, Japanese fries, tofu-burgers too. 3
Service: Pretty much self-service but friendly and relaxed with a pleasant vibe. 4
Atmosphere: Clean-looking hole-in-the-wall size joint with counter seating around two walls and a burger-themed music on the sound system. 4
Price: The top dog burger with bone marrow and roquefort weighs in at £10.50, the classic £7.00; fries £3.00; wings £4.50. 3
Food: Clean crisp cooking, not blown away by the usual array of posh but daft toppings. Plain burger could well be a winner though. 6
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