Topaz Pauls, life model

When I take my clothes off there are 30 seconds of panic, but I’m not panicking about what people are thinking about me, I’m wondering: “Can I hold that pose?” or “Am I doing something that’s interesting enough for people to draw?” I’m so focused on creating different poses that I can’t think about anything else. That’s what’s nerve-wracking.

Life modelling is my full-time job yet I never refer to it as work; it can be whatever I want it to be. I’ve always been interested in art, whether that’s creating it or admiring it. I didn’t have a fascination with people from a young age but I loved drawing. I knew art would be a part of my life. Retirement is a funny concept to me because that’s usually when people start doing what they love, but I’m doing what I love now. I’m the starting point for all the artwork happening in the room, which gives me a sense of empowerment.

My interest in life modelling started when my friend and I took photographs of each other nude for an art project. I liked seeing the translation of my body onto paper. The decisions I made when I modelled for my friend were influenced by the art I was interested in. I thought about shapes, angles and forms that were useful to me when I painted myself.

Life modelling isn’t a one-way relationship: the model and the artist have to work together to understand what they’re trying to achieve.

When I moved from York to Edinburgh, I got in touch with a photographer and modelled on a beach in autumn. It was cold but the photos were beautiful. I felt liberated and decided modelling was something I could do inside instead. At the time I was working towards my degree in linguistics and life modelling was an antidote to reading papers, essays and sitting in front of a computer all day. It got my creativity flowing.

Modelling has made me realise I don’t have as many hang-ups about my body as I thought I had. In that room, there’s no sense of a better or worse body. Anybody is beautiful to draw because there’s always something to appreciate about every person.

Artists are unique characters, that’s what keeps my job interesting. Every artist accentuates different parts of my body, which has taught me to appreciate those unique aspects of myself. The artist has to feel like they can get something different every time. Whether that’s a mood or a pose, nothing is ever boring.

My mood and energy will set the atmosphere in the room. However, it’s up to the artists how they interpret it. The art might not look like me in the end but I have the power to provide the beginning.

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