GOOD news: you can stop worrying about war between North Korea and the USA. Bad news: an even greater clash of the titans is afoot. Never fear, though: it is between two female characters in Two Doors Down (BBC2, Monday, 10pm), so only a few areas in Glasgow will become post-apocalyptic wastelands and it will be years before anyone notices.

Beth has not, alas, lamped Cathy or Christine for once again inviting themselves round. It’s a new character, or two new characters to be precise. Michelle and Alan (Joy McAvoy and Graeme Stevely, aka the wrestler Grado) have moved in across the road. Cathy and Michelle, being glam ladies, have lots in common, so naturally they cannot stand each other. Seeing Michelle cruelly refusing to be impressed by Cathy’s designer kitchen was like watching two lionesses about to scrap, or an educational video about PMT.

Sadly, this was the last in the series so we’ll have to wait to see how much worse things are going to get. Two Doors Down is now entering that sweet spot in the life of a sitcom when the writers have hit on just the right blend of character and humour (in this case, three parts bitchiness, one part toilet gags and the rest old school Glesga panto) and can do no wrong. Still not convinced about the effing and jeffing, though. It was jarring enough and at odds with the character when Christine (Elaine C Smith) did it, but now Alan is at it too.

What’s the longest running sitcom on air? No, it’s not the John Cleese festival of awfulness that is Hold the Sunset; that just feels like it has been on forever. The answer is Not Going Out (BBC1, Thursday, 9pm), which returned this week for its ninth series. Lee Mack is the star around whom everything revolves. The central idea, that Mack’s character is a pillock of a husband/dad/in-law is thoroughly sexist, but this is BBC1 sitcom land, where the clock on the wall is forever stuck at ten minutes past 1975. Whatever else it does, Not Going Out is value for money, with Mack opting for quantity over quality when it comes to the gags. As long as enough stick to the wall, Not Going Out is not going anywhere.

I had heard great things about This Country (BBC1, Tuesday, 11.45pm) when it was in the badlands of BBC3. Now transferred to the main channel, on the evidence of the first one it is something of an acquired taste. Real life brother and sister Daisy May Cooper and Charlie Cooper play cousins, one as thick as the other, living in a Cotswold village. The Coopers can write and act, but the format they have chosen, a mockumentary, is about as tired as the audience probably is by the time This Country is shown. With a slot this late it looks like someone else is not too sure either about the move from BBC3.

I had resisted writing about Strike: Career of Evil (BBC1, Sunday, 9pm), reasoning that with the amount of money the BBC was splashing out, it was clearly penned by some hot shot JK Rowling type hardly in need of more publicity. But then I found out it was by some new start in the business called Robert Galbraith, so I gave it a go and was glad I did. While Strike suffers from the same predisposition towards frightening the bejeezus out of women viewers as most crime drama, the Moonlighting-style, will they/won’t they chemistry between detective Cormoran Strike and his partner Robin is very moreish. A trick as old as Adam and Eve, but it still works.

It has been a big week for that other shy, retiring type, Winston Churchill. First, Gary Oldman picks up an Oscar for his portrayal of Britain’s greatest wartime leader in Darkest Hour. On the same evening, the documentary Churchill’s Secret Affair (Sunday, Channel 4, 8pm) put in its tuppenceworth.

The woman in question was Lady Doris Castlerosse and by the accounts of the various talking heads assembled here, she was quite the gal about town, the kind of person of whom a biographer says, “One wouldn’t call Doris a prostitute but she was a professional mistress”; and “One of her favourite lines was there is no such thing as an impotent man, only an incompetent woman.” Perhaps fearing none of this on its own would be enough to hold a Channel 4 audience, the script noted that Doris was the great aunt of the model Cara Delevingne. Gosh.

Far more interesting than Doris’s relatives, though, was what happened to her after the alleged affair, said to have lasted several years, was over and war had broken out. Did we think differently of Churchill? No, but the lesson of Doris’s life was that a career as a good time girl wasn’t a lot of fun in the end.